It will take time.
More than 100 years of history
will never go away.
"THERE'S A BEAR IN THE YARD AND THE POLICE ARE OUTSIDE!"
Well, it was Park Rangers not Police, but there really was a bear in the yard.
Ann and I were reading/ watching
baseball and reacted with more than minimal confusion...
"WTF are you talking about??".
We all scrambled for window views and,
sure enough, there was a black bear in the
back yard. He stood about three feet at the
shoulder. Plenty big enough to be intimidating.
He seemed confused, too, looking
for an exit in the fence.
Both gates were closed so the only way for
him to get in or out of the yard was to scale the fence.
I don't think bears are known for leaping.
We turned away long enough to look for the Rangers parked
in the street out front and in that moment, the bear was gone.
The Rangers disappeared down a side street and all was quiet
here again. Except, the neighbors are seen once in a while
peering cautiously through windows or doors before venturing
out into the wild.
...just not very interested right now.
Surgery on her scalp done and healing well, still
waiting on biopsy results.
Pulmonary testing done, results (as much as I can decipher)
don't appear to be of serious concern.
Next meeting with oncologist might clarify what's ahead.
So much is a waiting game.
Enjoy what ya got while ya got it, right?
That includes friends like all of you.
Lots of doctor visits. Lots of tests.
They're stopping all her chemo meds temporarily
because tests are showing signs of heart failure
and pulmonary hypertension. They're adding
some meds to help combat those issues and give
her heart and lungs a chance to re-gain some strength
before going back to chemo.
The good thing is that she says she feels fine.
She goes next week to have the growth on her scalp removed.
We had to postpone the original surgery because all
the new doctors she's seeing said she could only have the
procedure under local anesthetic and the surgeon was
planning on knocking her out. Because of her heart and
lung issues, doing that could be "catastrophic".
The week after that she is scheduled for an entire day of more tests.
I try not to think too much, just take things one day at a time.
Sometimes that works, sometimes not so much.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” -Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
(swiped from Hope Leslie)
Look really hard for some good even if it feels
like you're drowning in bad. It might just
save your sanity. (swiped from Me in a saner moment)
A sketch by Edward Hopper when he was only 9 yo.
Nothing to add at the moment, which is a good
thing I guess.
Will be doing follow-ups with doctors in about
a week so they will hopefully explain the test
results in plain English.
Maintaining gratitude takes effort but needs to
be done. I guess it's good until it isn't.
...there's a clenched fist in my chest and my nerves
are as strained as catgut on a guitar (piano? violin? whatev).
I've been spoiled during the past year. It was February 2020
since Carol's last hospital stay and considering the Covid crap,
we have been very lucky. And very careful.
She got her second vaccination today with no side effects at all
and Ann and I are getting our second vaccination on the 19th.
So why would I be at all stressed?
In the last couple weeks she's been scheduled for multiple
procedures and tests that make me worry. One procedure is a
heart catheterization and another involves removing a large
growth on her scalp. And then the heart doctor decided just
the other day that he wants some kind of lung test done.
All of these procedures require blood work and a Covid test.
ALL of this rigamarole is scheduled during the next two weeks.
The only doctor who will allow me to go with her to her
appointments is the surgeon. The other doctors follow Covid
restrictions that only allows the patient in the facility unless the
patient needs physical help or help communicating.
So, I have to rely on Carol to fill me in and unfortunately she
often gets confused about what they're telling her. And she will
not question anything she's told when it comes from any person
she considers to be an authority. Well, you probably know that
I ask questions about everything. I don't like not knowing
especially when it comes to health situations.
I don't think anyone else worries because they know I will.
Does that sound like "poor me" whining?
So guess where I spent a couple of hours on Friday?
A funeral home.
Nobody died. This was for me.
Did the pre-planning thing for a simple cremation, no viewing,
no service. Even picked out a headstone. All that's left is to
talk to the cemetery people.
I feel so much better.
“Flannery O’Connor knew that not everyone would or could understand her work. She once received a letter from someone who told her that her book left a bad taste in her mouth. O’Connor wrote back, “You weren’t supposed to eat it.””
Snow + Ice + Steps = FWOOOOMP.
When I landed, I was afraid to move 'cuz you know
women of a certain age have a tendency to have brittle bones.
I landed so hard that my head was rattled but it was my
left butt cheek and my tailbone that took the brunt.
After a minute I very carefully maneuvered myself up
on my knees and then took another minute to stand.
I was able to clean off the steps and sidewalk and gingerly
let myself back into the house before I started shaking.
That was four nights ago and my tailbone is still
screaming at me.
I want it to stop snowing now.