Monday, April 23, 2007

Friday, April 20, 2007

So, this is what's meant by "Wild Goose Chase"...

One of my very best friends... ever... has always had some of
the most interesting jobs imaginable.

She is one of the brightest, wittiest, most talented, big-hearted
and charming-est of any human on the planet. Everyone who
meets B loves her. She finds joy in all of life, all the time.

We have been best friends since meeting in our freshman year
of high school... 1965. I'll do the math for ya... 42 years ago.

She taught elementary school for several years in a rough
neighborhood in Cleveland. All love... no fear. She made such
an impression on her students that she still gets letters from
some of them now, thanking her for having such a positive
impact on their lives. How many teachers of today could hope
to be remembered so well, especially so many years later?

She did a short stint working for a family that owned an ice cream truck.
Its busiest route was through Amish farmland in the area.

She spent several years (and still gets called to help out on occasion)
working at a place called the Farmpark. She led classes on milking cows,
canning fruits and vegetables, making maple syrup and cane sugar,
planting and harvesting tomatoes, corn..... Well, just click on the link
in this paragraph. Most of the activities listed are what B did there.
She even donated her two miniature horses to the park's menagerie.

For three years, she owned and operated a coffee shop, Beans, in a
beautiful, small town in Ohio. When she and hubby decided to move
to make his commute to work shorter, she sold the shop.
As much as she loved her coffee shop, she was also ready to give
up 12-hour work days, 7 days a week. Go figure.

Her current job...

Are ya ready?

She is a Wild Goose Chaser. Yup. You read that right.

Seems that there is enough wild geese shit deposited from many wild geese
that people are willing to pay other people to chase the geese away.
Problem is... the geese don't stay away. So, there is job security there.
B explained it to me thusly...

To be an effective Wild Goose Chaser, one must be able to handle dogs.
Herding-type dogs.
Not a problem for my friend. She loves dogs, has owned many and requires
their obedience in her presence. Her employer-to-be was justifiably
impressed with her raport with his trained canines. The job was hers.

So... he assigns her one of his newer dogs and provides a brand new vehicle
for her to use on her assigned route. Later, he also gives her a
remote-controlled toy boat. There is logic here, trust me.

Homeowner associations, hospitals, business complexes and other assorted
and sundry anti-geese folk are the usual customers. Often, these properties
include, or are near, ponds or lakes. Geese love water. Even frozen water.

When the water-bodies are still frozen (it being winter in Ohio when she
started this job), the herding-type canine can be directed to run across the
ice to chase away the wild geese. As Spring begins to think about melting
the ice, she uses the remote-controlled toy boat to chase the winged critters
to shore, where the herding-type canine can then do his job and encourage
their flight elsewhere.

Problem is... well, problem for the anti-geese folk... the geese will come back.
Much like Capistrano sparrows, only more often. So often do these geese
come back to the same spots, that B must return to these properties at least
once a week. And, she's also figured out that it helps if the return trips are
made at a different time of day than the last trip to the same property.
Seems these geese have watches.

So, the next time someone tells you they are on a Wild Goose Chase...
ask them if they've tried using a remote-controlled toy boat.

love ya, Beck...

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

How could I forget?...

There has been something gnawing at me all day.
A very solemn mood. Sad.
I've been trying to zone in on what is causing this,
but I couldn't figure it out until I finally looked at
the calendar. April 18 is my dad's birthday.
He would have been 86 today.

I wrote a post about him last year: "My Father's Eyes"

I think he's been trying to get my attention today...
Happy Birthday, Dad.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

rsm is a daddy!

Well... a blog daddy.

One of his good friends, a recently returned Iraq Medic,
has started his own blog: The Quest for Valhalla.

Ladies... he likes older women. Go. Make him happy.

Airport Lounge...

Him: Nice ring. Topaz and diamonds?

Her: Thanks. Yes.

Him: Somebody likes you...

Her: Ha, yeah. I like me. I bought it.

Him: Hmmm... what's your boyfriend supposed to buy?

Her: You're assuming I have a boyfriend.

Him: Ah, independent woman.

Her: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Him: Men like to feel needed, ya know.

Her: Men like convenience with no attachment.

Him: That can work out ok for women, too.

Her: Sometimes. I prefer to know who I'm having fun with.

Both sip their drinks quietly.

Him: Bartender, give this lady a drink on me.

Her: Bartender, this lady can buy her own drinks.

Him: Ouch.

Her: Why would you buy a woman something?

Him: (smiling) Well...

Her: Uh huh. Which is exactly why I said no.

Him: What if I'm your Prince Charming?

Her: I think I would've figured that out by now.

Him: You'll never notice if you keep that wall up.

Her: Time for me to catch my flight.

She picks up her purse and walks out of the lounge.

Bartender: mmm mmmm... nice ass on that.

Him: Nice package all around.
Hope she lets someone buy her a drink someday.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Do you want to know where my head is?

It has taken another journey up my ass.
...and, it's dark in there. Can't see a damn thing.

For those who might be missing me... Sorry.
I'm trying. Really.

Brain constipation.

Oh, wait... here's something I wrote last May 6:

If I knew what to say, could they hear me?
Those people in my life who are gone.
Have they been watching, listening,
while my life goes on without them?
Do they drift in and out?
Are they proud, sometimes shocked or sad?
Do they know I think about them and
wish that I had said...
had done...
more while they were here?
Do they know that I remember their love,
encouragement and belief in me?
That I try to use those memories
as a source of strength today. needs work.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Maybe, or not...

Things are
not as they seem.
Or, are they?

It's life
as we know it.
Or, is it?

We know
what we want.
Or, do we?

There's plenty
of time left.
Or, is there?

Friday, April 06, 2007

Friday night dinner...

Just to let you know what kind of healthy food
person I am.... this is what I had for dinner tonight:

1. three scoops of chocolate ice cream.
2. a glass of Coca-Cola Zero (no cals, carbs or sugar)
topped off with a generous splash of a single malt scotch.


I fought a headache all day at work with ibuprofen...
it didn't help.

Now... after dinner... I feel great.

...and, inspired.
I'm going to finish that sexual fantasy that was requested
of me a few weeks ago. For a friend. A very handsome friend.

Sorry... it will not be posted here.

Pleasant dreams...

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Do as I say, not as I do...

Don't live your life alone.
Don't live your life without loving and being loved.
Find someone who is worthy of you. Treasure each other.

Some day, it will be too late, because you will have been
alone too long. You will know when that happens.

It will be the day you walk in your house and it is empty
and cold because no one is there wanting you to come home.
Then, you'll look out the window and know that there is no one
wanting to come home to you.

That's when you'll cry.

That's when your heart will close.
It may never open again.

That will be a shame.

Monday, April 02, 2007