Thursday, March 05, 2020

hello, March...

Life is too short to be glad a month is gone, but...
February was overwhelming in many ways so I'm
welcoming March even though we know that life
brings what life brings no matter how prepared
we think/hope we are.

Being my sister's advocate/caregiver is almost a
full-time job. I do not regret being here for her in
any way. Unfortunately, though, sometimes I feel
overwhelmed and then I start to have a little pity-
part for myself in my head. I've had to cancel plans
for myself numerous times because what she needs 
takes priority over what I'd like or need to do for 
myself. I worry about doing something wrong or
making a mistake that would have a negative impact
on her medical or financial situation. She just isn't
able to handle much without help. So here I am. 

And then I feel guilty about stressing because, really,
she's been fighting cancer every day for eight years 
...and I'm not. I'm pretty sure I would have made a
lousy mother.

Anyway. Somebody tell me to shut up and stop whining.

I am glad that March has so far been prettier than February.
Lots more sunshine and much less snow. I know it's
only been five days but it still helps brighten my mood
to think Winter might be seriously winding down and
Spring is almost in sight.

Plus, my birthday is on Friday the 13th this year and that
always makes me chuckle to think how many silly people
worry about all those old superstitions and let them ruin
a perfectly good day.

Plus Plus, I almost share a birthday with my blog friend, Joe.
I do believe his birthday is March 20. I wish him a great day.

Now I think I'll spend some time thinking about what's
still good in my life and ponder on that for a while.



Joe said...


Doom said...

Oh my. Get it off your chest. It's healthy to rumble from time to time, cry too. Life isn't fair, as any child knows. But it can be quite good, especially if venting is possible from time to time.

A little story? During the French Revolution, royals and nobles went to the guillotine without fuss or emotion. It fed the notion that these really weren't people. It wasn't until one of those rare beautiful people who loved life... an older high noble... was hauled to the guillotine. She was one who had been good to the people as well. She was undeserving of that fate. She was crying, pleading, and resisting every way she could. She lost her life, but her zeal... soured the lust for murder which had consumed the soul of that people. Who knows how many she saved by... being human, or showing it.

Doom said...

Oh, and happy birthday! To you both.

Jess said...

I took care of my mother the last three years of her life. There were times when only prayer got me through the stress, constant worry, and doubts of whether I was doing what's right. To add to the problem, I was in the process of divorcing my wife at the time, and the divorce continued, while I settled an estate. I sometimes wonder how I made it through it all.

Being a caregiver is an honor. The greatest things in life are what we do to help those we love the most through the times they can't on their own. It's sad, sometimes lonely, and there's usually few to help. While it seems it's slowly destroying you, in the end, you develop a strength few have.

Jean said...

Venting is a definite benefit to blogging.
All your warm hugs are much appreciated.