Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I Know What You Need...

If I hear one more person say to me, or anyone,
"You need a man in your life." I may have to scream.
For a long time.
Then it usually follows with the statement, "We are social creatures. We're not meant to be alone."
Commence my second scream.

Life is full of trade-offs.
Some we choose. Some are bitch-slapped across our face.
I believe we should appreciate and make do with what we have. Be it long, polished fingernails or short, pink dicks.

If I don't have one significant male in my life,
does this mean, according to them, that I'm doing something wrong?
That my life is less than what it should/could be, according to them?
They would say, "Yes". I am saying, "No".

This does not mean I am anti permanent coupling. It would please me greatly to share a happy life. And, I don't expect perfect. I don't live in Wonderland anymore.

However. Having survived rather well this far (with a man and without), I believe, with every ounce of strength in my being, that I have every right and a very definite obligation to my now-treasured self, to be picky. Selective, as it were.
Shut up, any of you who are saying, "Oh yeah. Now she's looking for Ritchie Rich! She wants an easy life."

I've managed that area satisfactorily on my own.
Survived. Maintained. Recovered. Thank you.
If you can't or won't do that for yourself, get away from me.
I don't need to be a rescuer and I don't need to be rescued.
I am already complete. So are you, even if you don't know it.

I have more to lose now than I did thirty years ago.
So do most men.
I know what I want now more than I did thirty years ago.
So do most men.

At this point in my life, it's about attitude, intelligence and sex. Good sex.
And, a man much younger than myself would not be a serious candidate for a slot on the "Possibly Permanent" list. They are in a different stage of life.
Been there. Done that. Not interested in re-living that phase again.

Settled? Comfortable with himself? Content with his life?
He goes to the head of the class.

Slow and easy. Slow and steady. Slow and smart.
This time, let's make it worth both our whiles.

Then again........ a nice fuck-buddy...


kdzu said...

May you get what you need.
And if that happens to conincide with what you want, then twice blessed.

Anonymous said...

Ha!! The final line came right out of the sun.

Jean said...

K.D. - thank you for the good wishes.

Jim - I almost didn't have the cajones to write that last line...
but, geez....might as well keep being honest.

delftsman3 said...

Jean, it looks like you have learned the truth before it was too late..and as for the "fuck-buddy"...sounds like a great idea to me. sometimes all you want is just a satisfying roll in the hay, not a "relationship"; with all the baggage that goes along with them..

Jean said...

Delftsman3 - makes sense to me... thank you for taking the time to visit here!

Anonymous said...

found this via SWG...loved the thoughts and poems...will be back soon.

Jean said...

john c - glad you came by and liked what you found....good 'ol Eric...:)

boneman said...!

Kind'a like sendin' a picture through the "mails"....

Hope I fall in the later classification....
would at least like t'try, eh?

Jean said...

Boneman - you are "in like flint".

Linda Jones Malonson said...

Sometimes us long-marriage chicks need a good fuck-buddy. Honesty --- how refreshing! Found you via a link left at Lady Wordsmith. Glad I followed it.

Jean said...

Liquidplastic - welcome!

boneman said...

In like flint?

cool city....better'n m'contest.

Jean said...

boneman - it means "no worries" silly man.

Neoma said...

Like most of us women, we start off thinking we don't need a man and then end up saying well, we could use a few of their working parts. Well, one anyway..... haha.......sign, the men that I know, have very few working parts, including that one.......

Jean said...

Nea - sometimes "that part" just needs some gentle encouragement.

Neoma said...

haha, husband had heart surgery about six years ago, now the Dr.'s have him on so darn much medication that it has pretty much taken a toll on all of that. Things are not very he puts it.haha but it is okay, no pressure on him.

Anonymous said...

The absolute most important thing,though, is NOT have to say, at the end of your life, "I wish I had _______{fill in the blank}". From one of my favorite country songs - "live like you were dying"....and have no regrets at the end.

Jean said...

Nea - in your case, my response to your comment was insensitive. I apologize.

Sgtsmartass - You are right, of course. You are very kind to take the time to visit here.

boneman said...

Parts is parts, girls. Not having had a heart attack, though, makes it all too easy t'say where it might not really be that way.

Is it possible t'have a relationship with a special person, perhaps with not as much dick while still close and warm?
I suspect that a bit dense-minded, but, fer the last eighteen years, while definately missing sex with another person, I miss more tha warmth of her bare back on my chest and stomach.
Sometimes something would come up, and she would turn gently to me and say, not now, Bowman. I have to go to work.

OK, well, I don't miss EVERYTHING, but, you get my drift, don't you?

And, look at you, Jean! You DO have a sidebar list going!

Northwoods Woman said...

Oh I so Know What You Mean!

boneman said...

edible candy Depends????

Jean said...

Boneman - yes, I believe it is possible.

Livey - Welcome dear lady!

Neoma said...

It is a difficult area to discuss between us, without causing angst......we have had problems in that area for a very long time, at first didn't know it was health related. When we were married he was already 50 and well on his way to the medical problems that eventually almost killed him, at first we did much cuddling, but I was young, and when you get your engine running, to be told no, not now, I can't, or I don't want to, is often just rejection. We had Nick, (a miracle, I can tell you) and then he just StOPPED, everything, it was his choice. Then we found out he only had 15percent blood flow in his body. Nothing was working, things that were really needed including the lungs and heart.

People say, Oh a heart attack doesn't stop you....well, all I can say is everyone isn't the same. In my husbands case, he has congestive heart failure, high blood pressure, low thyroid, anemia, and several other problems. He is on eight medications, the combination makes it IMPOSSIBLE....and he never was what you would call a sex driven individual. Now, he just wants rest and peace. And I give him his space, it is what he wants.

Does he want to cuddle, I really don't know, I have never refused, but I have never been asked. I think it is way down on his list of things he needs. Who knows. Everone isn't the same.

Jean said...

Nea - It's obvious you are an understanding and caring woman.

Valerie - Still Riding Forward said...

I tried to lower my standards and I am only eight months into this trek of being single again.

It didn't really work, I can't make them go low enough to find a partner. The willing ones are too low and the higher ones are unwilling.

I can't even think about years yet.

Even a fuck buddy had to like me back a little before I could be comfortable enough to get naked with them.

Anyway, I'm totally surprised at my ability to do without partner sex. I think I have set a record for me.

So much of what I miss isn't the sex anyway. It's the team work, the companionship and the conversation...


Found you through walking on alligators, found him through 2996 and his comment on my blog.

Jean said...

Valerie - I think many go through a time of lowered standards until we remember to like ourselves again.
and, I agree...the companionship is terribly important.

Glad you visited here...hope you come back.

AspergantuS said...

Right on!!!

Jean said...

aspergantus - ha!

GalacticallyStupid said...

A Fuck Buddy?? Has this position been filled?

Jean said...