Saturday, February 10, 2007

Wondering where Michael is...

It doesn't matter what I wish for him.
I have no control over where he is... or isn't... since he died.
Just the same as I had no control over where he was when
he was alive.

When I say "he", I mean his spirit, his soul, his mind, his heart...
whatever it is that makes up a person's complete essence, not the
personality or the body that is visible to others.

There is no way for one individual to know another's true essence.
Perhaps that is why communication and understanding
between people can be so very difficult.... "No, you don't understand!"
My essence is mine. Yours is yours. There may be shared similarities,
but the unique details of our individuality keep us from knowing all of
anyone else.

Those unique details create our own universe. The one in which we alone
exist during life, and after this life ends.

We struggle to understand, but it is beyond our reach because some of
their details are not part of us. That lack in understanding does not make
it a failure for us. It is an impossibility. We cannot know what we are not.
We can only work to see ourselves as we are, for we are... in our solitary
inner universe... the only one who is truly able to know us.

Wherever he is, it is still his world alone.


kdzu said...

GREAT! post Jean. We are, all of us, ultimately alone.
Probably why we mostly feel a need for an indefinable something, more.
But, thankfully, if we are not afraid to reach out, we are in this aloneness together. Even those passed are not far, and we can take great comfort and joy in that.

boneman said...

Probably has t'come back and do it right!

I dunno, but, it's just a thought. Maybe when we mess up bad, we get tossed back down here till we get things done right.
Maybe this is the thirteenth time I been down here....
Dang! Hope I get it right this time!

Anonymous said...

Dear Jean,

A lovely post....Michael would have been proud.........and where is he???......perhaps his memory....these thoughts..... are to always be part of your inner universe

Enemy of the Republic said...

Lovely Jean. Essence is both hidden and open. But we often miss its beauty.

Scott from Oregon said...

No idea where he is or what he has become. He is now a pure mystery. The unsolvable kind. The most profound kind.

The greatest thing about dying is that it answers many questions once and for all...

Now you KNOW.

Jean said...

Thank you all - this is my attempt to finally stop trying to figure out why he felt the only answer was suicide. Only he knows. I'm done looking for answers that can't be had. MY life goes on!

AspergantuS said...

Good for you!

Jean said...

Mick - about damn time, eh?

AspergantuS said...

Ha....ya think?????

Jean said...

Mick - don't make me use that sign you taught me!!!....:)

Valerie - Still Riding Forward said...

for we are... in our solitary
inner universe... the only one who is truly able to know us

Your spirit is perfect and always connected to the ultimate divine love. Each of us is connected to it and through it we are never alone except when we refuse to acknowledge our oneness with everything living.

I am with you always is not just a kind thought but a truth.

I, Jean, am with you always and no further away than your loving thought of me.

The mate is with me always and YOU are with me always.

It's the ultimate wireless hub with unlimited power to connect all that is together.

So I am thinking of you today with love and hoping you will realize that the simple act of holding you in my heart and mind sends you love and comfort.

From me, through the hub, to you - where it's needed.

Hugs Jean.

Jean said...

Val - your words are, indeed loving and comforting. Thank you, friend.

Erica said...

Again, as in the post before this one...just...WOW.

And I'm so sorry for your loss, truly. It is a pain like no other.

Jean said...

Thank you, Erica... from reading some of your blog, I know how you can relate.

Erica said...


Yeah, a little too much, sadly. I had a Mike too, once.

That's how everyone knew him, but to me he was "Bubba."

God rest both of our Mikes' souls.

Jean said...

Erica - Amen.

Alice Audrey said...

None of us are nearly as alone as we think, but also not as directly connected.