Sunday, June 22, 2025

It's too hot for fun...

 Hopefully, mid-week will be tolerable. In the 80s instead of the 90s.

Ann has had ten radiation treatments so far. Another 10-15 to go.
She'll probably re-schedule at least two maybe four.
She's my driver to get me to cataract surgery and back home, 
plus the follow-up appointments the day after.
This Thursday is for the right eye then next Monday they'll
do the left eye. I want it done. I want to see better.

I met the surgeon. I like him a lot. We hit it off really well.
He's confident but not cocky. Also is the owner of the clinic.
Thirty or forty years of experience. 

Tomorrow I take Carol for her CT scan. She doesn't drive
anymore. Hopefully, they will not see anything concerning.

Gonna be a busy couple of weeks.
Such is life for old folks, eh?

Thursday, June 19, 2025

Jack Kerouac (poem)...

I don't want a job,
a mortgage, or weekend plans.

I want moonlight on my face,
a road with no end,

and a silence that understands me.

(found at urgetocreate.tumbler.com)


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

holy shit
what a good
lookin' man. 

Friday, June 13, 2025

a re-post from 2009...

 

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

I should be ashamed...

I should be ashamed
having read so little
of so few poets
and nothing at all
of so many more.
they've spent their lives
writing words just for
the likes of me
and I barely know
but a few.
I should be ashamed
to do what I do like
I'm the only one
who has ever done it
when it's mostly been done
already and better and oftener before.
I should be ashamed
and burn my notebooks and
break my pencils and read
what's already been written and
what's being written now.
But I am reading what's being
written now this minute by me
and some others here and
there when I can and
when I want.
I should be ashamed
of thinking about quitting.
someone somewhere might
someday read what
I wrote yesterday or today
and think about writing
what they have to say
in their own way
and another link gets
added to the chain and
another chapter is added
to the story.
I should be ashamed
for doing so little.
But I'm not.


(after reading some Lawrence Ferlinghetti)

Monday, June 09, 2025

A kind of deja vu...

I think of you
the way you were
then
and when I see
you now
it's you
all over again.



Thursday, May 29, 2025

Shoulda...

In the end
you will say
I wish I had
I wish we had
but it will be
too little
too late.
and too sad.

Saturday, May 24, 2025

Probably speaking from experience...

 Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.
That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

-Ernest Hemingway 




Sunday, May 18, 2025

Food for thought...

a minute
or a day
of life with you
might be just
what's needed
to nourish
a hungry soul.


 

Friday, May 16, 2025

Eye of the beholder...

you are not old
who still sees
beauty:
in a smile
older than yours
or a tree that casts
no shade or
a home with peeling paint
or a lone flower in a weedy bed,
in a threadbare quilt of patches,
a day whose only music
is a birdsong or
someone humming
in the kitchen.


(original post 5-9-2011)

Friday, May 09, 2025

Real tears...

When was the last time
you cried real tears that hurt all
of your heart and soul?

Not crocodile tears
for something or someone you
didn't know at all.

But the tears that made
you howl and buckled your knees
when your world went black.

Monday, May 05, 2025

letter to my Self...

(original posting 7-21-2008)

stay with me
as I need you most
more than any other
in the present ever.
allow what is in me
to be
awake and seeing
all I am and have.

Friday, May 02, 2025

Believe...

you have to
sell yourself
to yourself.



 

can you tell me what
it's like so I'll recognize
it when I find it?

Wednesday, April 23, 2025

How we die(d)...


there will be
a time
when we die
that others
will say
it happened so fast
so unexpected,
when in truth
the soul had been
crying
for ever so long
praying for comfort
for healing the wounds
that drained
the life
from the life
that could have
been saved.
But no one
noticed. or heard.
or cared.
How sad.

Sunday, April 20, 2025

knock-knock...

 Thought I'd finally get around to spreading some news.

Carol is doing well. Has not had chemo of any kind since
January of 2024. Her last radiation treatment for the spot
on her lung was January of this year. A follow-up CAT scan
was done earlier this month and showed marked reduction
in the size of the spot with NO signs of any other nasty spots
anywhere in her body. Her heart is getting better and her
breathing has improved enough that the need for supplemental
oxygen is almost nil.

Ann's pituitary tumor surgery went well. They did a follow-up
MRI recently and it showed nothing is growing. But they did
see that part of the tumor had invaded the bone. The biopsies
were all benign so they're not worried about that. But they want
to do some kind of laser scalpel radiation to get rid of the growth
anyway. She's going to talk to a local radiation oncologist so she
can avoid making a trip to Cleveland.

As for me, I am pretty damn great, especially for an old broad
of 74.

My one and only diabetes med, Metformin, has been reduced by
25%. When I go for my next annual visit I expect the doctor to
reduce the dose even more.
I've scheduled an evaluation with a cataract surgeon for early
next month. My vision has been kinda fuzzy for quite a while.
Prescription upgrades aren't helping much anymore. I haven't
driven at night for years because of glare. And when it started to
affect my ability to read clearly and without straining, well you
can imagine I've not been happy about that.

I've put this off because other people had much more dire issues
demanding attention. I wanted to be available for all of it. But now
everything around here is much calmer so I can take care of me.
Besides, I've been scared shitless to have anyone poking around
in my eyeballs. I know, I know...dozens of people have said,
"It will change your life!" "You'll be so glad when you get it done!"
"It's fast, easy...no big deal!"
I will remain scared shitless until it's over. Report will follow.

 

Bunny and eggs...

 



Friday, April 18, 2025

can't explain...

could not love you
more if I tried
and there is no trying
to love you
as much as I do.
probably other people
just as kind, good, strong
as you
but I don't love them
just you.


 

Saturday, April 12, 2025

Lady Chattering...

Let's have a
conversation
and you can tell me
what you think -
about the world
the people in it -
about the loves
of your life -
about the flowers
in your garden -
and your favorite recipe -
Are you drinking
tea or coffee
I have an ashtray
in the cupboard -
I want to live
to be a hundred
Or close enough
as long
as I can smile
and remember
how I spent
my time
and celebrate
my being -
oh dear
...your turn.

Monday, April 07, 2025

Tipsy...

If I tell you
I'm just a little
bit drunk
as I'm writing this
will you think
less of me?
It's been a long time...
for a lot of things.
Including drinking too much.
I miss the other things
more.

Saturday, April 05, 2025

I'm in one of those moooods...

 KnowwhatImean?


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This requires more pondering.......
...more coffee.
...possibly upgrading to scotch.

 

 





Wednesday, April 02, 2025

Saturday, March 29, 2025

Rules...

it might make you sad
it might make you cry
it might make you lonely

the rule is
there are no rules

Monday, March 24, 2025

Friday, March 21, 2025

Three Graces...

 




















delicate, fluid
graceful, effortless posing
feminine delight.


Thursday, March 20, 2025

Happy Birthday, Joe...

 Go say Happy Birthday to Hoosierboy.
A longtime blogger buddy of mine.
We started this adventure at almost the same time.
Sadly, there aren't many of the old gang still around.
But we are, ain't we, Joe?

 


Saturday, March 15, 2025

What do you see?...

 looking
at the mountain
from the top down,
the bottom up
or from across the valley?
point of view changes
the picture
but it
does not change the mountain.

 


 

Thursday, March 13, 2025

Tuesday, March 04, 2025

I have been remiss...

Anyone who read American Digest knows the author
Gerard Van der Leun passed away two years ago.
His site has been maintained by his friend Neo, per
his wishes, but he also wanted the site to go dark
at the end of that time. It's happening soon.

Meanwhile, a new blog New American Digest,
has been built and is being maintained by
A.D. reader/commenter DT.
DT is doing a mahhhvelous job in spite of his
heavy-duty real life workload. He is also very
graciously allowing me to submit some of my
work from Pondering....... to post to NAD.

He started putting all the new blog together in
January but for some reason I completely forgot
to announce and link to it here. That is the remiss part.

I encourage everyone to visit New American Digest.
DT is quite the wordsmith himself and is writing a
long series about the stagecoach trails out west.
Among other topics of interest to many.

I sincerely apologize, DT, for being so late in announcing
New American Digest. Mea culpa.

 

Saturday, March 01, 2025

Tuesday, February 25, 2025

Monday, February 17, 2025

re-post from 11-8-2009...

Code blue (wake me when it's over)...

for a long time
I stopped.
flat disappeared.
and when you
are not
there is nowhere
to go.
so you stay
where you're not
and never wake up.
'til a day comes
that jars you
and the wounds
start to bleed.
then you get up
and walk
through the door
into daylight
and you see that
the road to salvation
is waiting
right where it's ever been the whole time
that you thought
you were not.

 

blue skies
smilin' at me
nothin' but
blue skies
do I see.

if I were
any happier
I'd have to
wear a bib.


 

Wednesday, February 12, 2025

Sunday, February 09, 2025

A beautiful quote...

But once in a while
the odd thing happens,
Once in a while the
dream comes true,
And the whole pattern
of life is altered, Once
in a while
the moon turns blue.

W. H. Auden


 

Saturday, February 01, 2025

re-post from 4-22-2010...

 untitled...

hello. where did you
go. you were here
just a minute ago.
I blinked and breathed
and missed you leave.
hello. where did you
go.
I'll save your space
beside me. listen for
your laugh. re-welcome you
again. again.
hello.
where did you
go.

Friday, January 24, 2025

I'll be damned...

 At the gym wearing a t-shirt that says:

   God and I
don't always see
    eye to eye.

Old woman points and screams "You're going to Hell!"
I say "I'll save you a seat."

She storms away heading for the exit.
The man she was with comes over and says "I apologize
for my wife. She isn't feeling well today."
I say "I'm sorry. I hope she feels better soon."
He says "I'm afraid she won't. Alzheimer's doesn't get better.
Excuse me. I need to go after her before she gets lost again."


Friday, January 17, 2025

To whom it may concern...

 Yes, I have loved,
still love, only one.
ever and always.
Even though it cannot
be complete, it is
real and true as it is.

Only the two of us
know it but hide it
even from each other.
Denying what should
be the best beautiful
life to have forever.

Forgive me
for loving you
more than I should.

Tuesday, January 14, 2025

Chahlie...

I'm Chahlie.
Say it the way it looks. Chahhhlie. Got it? OK.

People think I'm pathetic.
Some people. Not all people. Only the ones who know me.
The rest of 'em? Welllll, they don't really count.
'Cause they don't know me. See?

Maybe, when this is over, you can tell me what you think.
Because by then you will know me.
Chahlie. That's me.

I don't do mucha nuthin'. 'Cause I don't have to or want to.
I slip-slide through the days without breakin' a sweat.
As it should be. For me.
Nuthin' but easy all day every day.
It's a sweet life if you can get it.
And I got it.

...to be continued. Maybe.

Thursday, January 09, 2025