Memorial Day...

My dad served on this ship in W.W. II

Time...

some day is a big if.

what if might never.

too late could be now.

I'm going to hell for lying...

to telemarketers.

The handbasket is ready.

No matter what they're selling, I tell them I already have it
or have had it done. I can't get mad at them.
They have a lousy job. I know that because I worked
as a telemarketer twice in desperate times.

Once was one summer in college.
The phones were still rotary dials. The abuse was horrible.

The last (hopefully) time was right before I got hired by
the aerospace/computer chip/welding place. We had
already put two mortgage payments on a credit card and
I took this job to buy groceries.
I think I was slap-happy and actually had fun chatting
with all kinds of people. The only ones too busy to talk
were the folks in Georgia. They were in the middle of flooding.
That was 1995.
I think I worked there three weeks and made about $60/week.

Anyway, I know these people are hating their job and hoping
for something better soon so, I just can't be mean.
So, I lie, wish them a nice day and hang up.

It takes less time than going into a bitching tirade
and I keep smiling.

I don't get it...

Here it is, again, so soon...

the weekend already.
Time now seems to pass
in weeks, not days.
months
roll by too easily,
another year will be gone in a minute.
I am getting older far too quickly.

the drain that is my brain...

I have accepted the crapfact that depression
will never leave me alone. It is part of me.
*
damn you old black dog
wearing me out and down like
river rubbed canyon
*
There is nothing to be done about it except
endure. Over and over and over again.
*
tomorrow looks less
than worthy after today's
vain forward struggle
*
Pep-talks from well meaning friends don't help.
*
come along, you say.
you know precisely my need.
arrogant bastard
*
It makes it very difficult to be nice so I often hide.
*
it's worse somewhere else
for many someone elses.
today I don't care.
*
It turns me into someone I don't like at all and I can't help it.
*
do you doubt despair
can twist the heart, wring the soul,
blind all hope? You fool.
*
It sneaks up and every time I ask why.
*
you think you know
the reason, the answer, the
why. until this now.
*
I've read a gazillion books and been to therapy.
*
regurgitation
of all the pretty words ends
in ugly dry heaves
*
Remember the time I went to a shooting range and
enjoyed shooting and did very well? Did anyone
think it strange that I did not buy a gun?
*
it is not so hard
to understand that there are
some who will resign
*
It feels like living in hell and a glorious relief
when it subsides.
*
to wax poetic
do you mind much when I swear?
tough shit if you do.

just a quickie...

For those who read here and were also on my
friend's list at FaceBook... I dumped FB.

I signed up about a year ago because one of my
brothers asked me to and I figured, whatthehell,
it's another way to keep in touch with family.
Then, I came across more and more bloggers there
(including some who have cut way back on blogging),
did the friend thing and also found bunches of new
peeps and organizations. Then, after my high school
class reunion, some of those folks were found there, too.
None of the above is a bad thing at all.

Unfortunately, sooooooo many of the folks on FB spend
much of their time gifting and gaming and not much else.
Sorry, that's just not my thing. Plus, I'm very leery about how
FB shares everyone's info with who-the-hell-knows-who.
I was also noticing a major increase of spam crap in my email.
Since I quit, that has dropped dramatically. Coincidence? meh.

I also used my page to advertise the Pondering....... store.
In all that time I noticed only three hits from FB.

All in all, I came to the conclusion that it was a waste of time
for me. I have other things to do.

However, there was absolutely nothing personal about
my decision to go away. Different strokes for different folks, right?
As far as I know, the FB folks who read this blog had been
reading here before then, so I hope I haven't lost any readers
since I closed that page. If so, such is life.

On another, better, topic; I'm working on new products
for the Pondering....... store. Hope to bring one or two out
in a few weeks.
Come to think of it... do you have a preference between t-shirts,
coffee mugs or cards? Any and all suggestions are welcome, as
always. Leave your opinions in comments or email me.

After all that so-called 'quickie' stuff... Have a great weekend!

Rescuing Providence, the book...

Michael Morse tells his story of the EMS experience
in a most compelling way. I read it in one sitting.
I'm not the only one who loves the book. It's in the
process of being made into a movie.

Click on the photo above for more info or, here.
There's also a link on my sidebar.

Ya done good, Michael. Kudos!

Sparky and confederate jasmine...

Mother's Day...

memories and love
remain in contemplation
life too soon ended


I love you, Mom.

what do you see...

looking
at the mountain
from the top down,
the bottom up
or from across the valley?
point of view changes
the picture
but it
does not change the mountain.

haiku double...

one idea blooms
stirs the imagination
becomes a garden.

*

but a single rose
may fill the eye with beauty
more than a bouquet.

I don't need no stinkin' rules... do I?

it is my inclination,
when there is no stipulation,
to run amok
until I'm stuck
in full-blown consternation.

my half-wit trail blazing
can leave me more than crazing.
I huff and wheeze
and groan and squeeze,
stuck in mental constipating.

I'm planning propositions
based on learned intuitions.
one good deal
would grease the wheel,
and keep me out of institutions.

if someone did the laundry
that would lessen much the quandary,
to leave more time
to make more rhyme
and go back to being bawdry.

dullard...

simple mind forces words
into twisted complexity.
befuddle instead of
illuminate.
good words clarify,
spotlight, highlight,
resonate.
today is nothing, empty, hollow
echoechoecho.
no one's home.
no one wants to be.