At least there's this...

 

Do you see the eyes?...

 

Happy Birthday, Dad...

 

 

Hard to believe you've been gone 34 years.

Good reads... help keep me sane

 

there's no title for this...

 

 

 

 

 

Get over it, Peter.
Ya wimpy little shit.

 

 

Normal...

 

 

Gee-willikers...

 I don't want this to be a lot of whining and complaining
but it could happen. I wish I could simply say that Carol's
surgery went well (it did) and leave it at that but that would
ignore all the post-op maintenance that is required now and
every minute of every day from now through the next 4-6
months until everything is healed (meaning the 12" section
of large bowel that contained the tumor that was removed
and then the good ends stitched together). That's what they
did to the left side. On the right side they made a small
incision and pulled out a bit of her small intestine and sliced
it so the contents can drain into a bag that has to be emptied
every couple hours before it fills up and explodes all over her
and her clothes or the bed or the chair she's sitting on. So a
special bag has to be attached to the skin around the stoma.
After a meeting with her oncologist, she will be scheduled to
start a three-month chemo cycle to beat the colon cancer.
The biopsy of the tumor showed minimal invasion but they
also removed and biopsied 18 lymph nodes and one came
back positive. That made it a Stage 3 cancer so it needs to be
treated soon after waiting 6 weeks from the surgery.
We're not sure when the re-section will be done. Should know
more after a meeting with the colon surgeon next week.
Once all that is done, she will be put back on chemo for
the breast cancer...forever. I'm scared for her.
In May sister Ann is scheduled for surgery to remove the
blob that's growing in her left sinus. I refuse to think of this
as anything other than a giant booger. I hope I'm right.
My sisters are unbelievably strong and brave. I keep worrying
that there is something else I should be doing to help them.
Visiting nurses come to the house twice a week to check on
Carol and teach Ann and I how to change her bag. They also
give us info on her special diet and how to shower without
loosening the bag. They'll visit for 9 weeks.They are a blessing.
It's a long road for all of us.

Perfect...

 

Life humbles you...

 

Took me 73 years to learn this.

Busy week coming...

Today Carol will be doing her prep for the colon
surgery scheduled for noon Tuesday.
They said to expect it to last 4-6 hours.
Probably spend four days in the hospital mostly
to learn the details of the ostomy bag.
Thursday morning Ann will get her MRI
to find out what is growing in her sinus.
We'll have some help because our brother is
coming up from Cincy on Wednesday to take
Ann to her procedure and visit with Carol.  

Ann and I will take books with us on Tuesday to help
pass the time waiting for Carol to get out
of surgery. And imbibe in copious amounts of caffeine.
And maybe some M&Ms...comfort food.

We are blessed to have family willing to support each
other when needed.

Any prayers, good thoughts, crossed fingers 
will be appreciated.

UPDATE: Her surgery went well. Making good progress.
Expecting she'll come home Friday.

Respect...

 

Beautiful shoes...

 

This is when it started...

 

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

First Entry.....

Another sleepless night..........no specific reason........a bright orange full moon cast shadows in my yard.......made the night more welcoming...... very little could hide completely......... sirens wailing earlier ......someone in need of help ...........who will rescue me?

 

I had no idea what I was doing when I started this blog
in 2006. Other than whining. I had whining down quite well.

The blog evolved over time. Lots of roller-coastering
between poems, memoirs, short stories and lots of haiku.

Took a while before anyone found the blog and even
longer for anyone to leave comments.

Beside acting as a much-needed shrink and
stress-reliever, it brought me friends. Many are gone
but some have stayed with me even now, although
I'm not sure why.

I don't let go of things easily. Even with a drop
in quality I'll hang around and do...whatever.

Many thanks to those of you who keep coming back.

 

Happy whatever you do today...

 

Hand painted tile...

 

Maybe...

 

Sorry, you get cartoons and pretty pics until life calms
down a bit.

We need some pretty...

 

The challenges continue...

Carol's biopsy came back malignant. Colon cancer.
She's now in the midst of more tests and doctor visits.
I expect surgery to happen in a few weeks.
In the meantime, chemo treatments for her breast cancer
are on hold to give her system a chance to build strength
before beginning this new fight.

I'm lookin' good...

 

Magnificent magnolia...

 

As I was saying...

 I will gladly wave good-bye to the year 2023. Did.

Actually, the past two years were overwhelmingly stressful.

Carol has been through many procedures and a few 911 events.
Still going through chemo...probably never-ending... but she
continues to fight. No thoughts, ever, of giving up.
Sometimes, I wonder where she gets her strength. I have no
doubt that it helps that her two sisters are with her every day.

Ann has been dealing with her own health concerns. Couple of
eye surgeries, maybe another coming up. Biopsy that, thankfully,
was negative but waiting on the results of another (thyroid).
Scheduled soon for an MRI that may result in attention.

Our youngest sibling, a special needs guy, had broken his collar
bone, then broke his hip that required surgery twice, months in
rehab. Had to move to a new home after spending 25+ years in
the same place. Stressful adjustment period that still isn't quite complete.

Me? I'm fine...except for dealing with my damned primary care
doctor who refuses to understand why a colonoscopy is not on the
top of my priorities list. She's a control freak fighting the wrong broad.

In the right place at the right time...

 

photo by Alfred Stieglitz, 1930, Grand Central Terminal

Write your life...

 

Write your life...

Whether it be like this or in letters to yourself,
as in a journal, or a diary.
Write everything about you so that others
may know. How you lived.
What you thought. When you cried.
Loved and laughed. Did you dream?
It may be found some day, and those who
knew you. Might cry. Might laugh.
Might gasp, "That's why!"
"That's when!" "That's where!"
Then again, a stranger might find you
in your words. And know you better than
all those others. Take you home.
Live with you another life.
See in you another way. Love their life again.
Find the path. Forgive their pain.
See the stars.
You are a book. A poem. A song.
Write your life. 

 

(originally posted 7-3-2007)

Just a quickie...

 Doing hospital duty with my sister. 3rd time (4th?) since October.
Will be back asap.