I called my sister last night to see how she was doing after
the first chemo treatment (so far, so good) and she said our
Uncle Kenny was there. He asked to talk to me and the first
thing he said was, "How ya doin', kiddo?" and instantly I
flashed back umpteen years and I could see his wonderful
smile and the constant twinkle in his eyes. It also dawned
on me that I use that same greeting...because of him.
That part of him is a part of me.
I asked him how he'd been and his response was
"Oh, you know, for 82 not so bad. They can't keep a
good Hunky down." We both laughed in agreement.
I'm only half Hunky (Hungarian) from my mom's family,
but it's strong in me. Hearing him reminded me of that.
The next thing he said was "I'm glad to hear you're
coming home to help your sister. Your mom and dad
would be happy, too." That brought a lump to my throat
but it took until much later before I really figured out why.
Later that day, I had to run an errand and after I
got back in my car, I just sat there and thought of
Uncle Kenny again and our conversation.
I've lived here almost 38 years and I've always said
that it never felt like home, it was just someplace to live.
Not home.
Right that second, it felt like something kicked me
in the heart and the tears started to flow.
Then, I heard myself say "I'm going home." Now I'm
sobbing and I keep saying "I'm going home."
Over and over I repeat that, out loud.
And I'm looking up as I continue to cry "I'm going home."
Home.
I'm going HOME.
Feeling not quite at home here makes sense now.
The most important part of me never left home.
Home.
I'm going HOME.
23 comments:
I'm able to come home every other month on the weekends. It's profound. I'm hoping it's a peaceful journey and hope you post more about it all.
good luck! Remember to breathe.
One does what one must, wherever it is. Distant thoughts.
Find someone you trust to give you a hug on my behalf. Debit my account.
It's good when it all comes together. I will never know a home on earth, though I suppose I am as close to it as I get. But when I became Catholic... it had the same effect on me as what you describe.
Tis good to be home! I actually hope you find a way to... stay home. If that is possible. It's been a supa-sekret prayer of mine, for you, for some time.
At last the circle is complete and you have found your place of peace. Great to know Jean. It's why I don't move even to the 'burbs. Detroit is my home.
ok, yes it is great going home, and yes, you only eat half as much as you want (you're only HALF HUNGRY) but what I want to know is...
Do you still have that sexy outfit, cutie?
You gals look a bit more exciting that my brother and I dressed in "cowboy" outfits, getting our picture taken on a horse (shetland pony)
I STILL have my cowboy outfit, too!
Course, it only fits around one foot...
That is really neat. I envy you. We moved a lot as a kid, so I just call anywhere in Colorado and Texas home.
Boxer, profound, indeed. Such a flood of emotion. Had no idea there were so many tears in me.
(Hope you're still enjoying your b'day weekend!)
JCN, and that brings more tears knowing I get a lovely hug from such a lovely man so far away. Thank you.
Doom, I believe this going home will be the best thing I've done in a very long time. Maybe ever.
Mark, so many times I wished I'd never left but we all know that thinking is mostly useless. Can't change the past. Knowing how much love will be there is priceless.
And, lilacs. They have LILACS!
Berry, ha! The 'sexy outfit' is long gone. I think the pic is circa 1984...? I had a cowgirl outfit once. Fringed skirt and all.
Curm, I do wish it didn't take my sister's illness to motivate the move. Wherever you're comfortable in your heart is home.
(commenting at your place is still iffy for me but I still read.)
Jean, have a safe journey home. Remember to take care of yourself while caring for your sister. God bless you and your family ... and Sparky, can't forget Sparky. Is he going with you?
bonnie
Bonnie, Sparky is definitely going with me. It would break both our hearts otherwise. Thank you for your good wishes xoxo.
Sometimes God doesn't give us what we want, but what we need.
Sounds like you just didn't want to admit it, but Angels come in all forms, and sometimes they look like sick sisters.
Journey in peace My Dear Miss Jean. You deserve and need it.
Old hard nosed, grey headed farts don't cry or I'd be a little misty eyed with you.
God Bless dear Friend.
Dear Larry, you can't fool me. How many tissues did you use?
Yes! and Yes!
This is exactly right. I am overjoyed for you, but will miss you being just down the road from my hometown.
Go. Godspeed. Go.
Thank you, sweet Joan.
Won't happen for another 3-4 weeks.
Dumpster-Trashing-Sorting-Packing-Nervous Breakdown-etc.
:)
d:-)
.... home is where you need it to be, sister........ you have alwasy been an inspiration to me with your poetry and your writing....... I don't always comment enough, but you need to know that you NEED to be where you are needed......
.... sometimes where we think and want to be isn't really where we SHOULD be......
.... follow your heart and it will not do you wrong.....
Eric
Thank you, Eric. I plan on keeping the blog going through this. She doesn't have a computer (??!!?) so of course I'll take mine with me and get internet ASAP.
good news/bad news, which do you want first?
The good news? Sure.
I had heard it's easier now than it used to be. Just follow the instructions and you'll be done with him.
The bad news is, you have a super spammer in your followers list.
Right under the guy with the banana smile
d=^))
and next to the wolf.
I couldn't figure out how to get rid of him.
I only get 5 or 6 spams a week so maybe he's lost interest.
so your going home, sweetie. it sounds like that is where you need to be and where your heart has actually always been. i do suspect you'll leave a bit of yourself back in fla. though. all the best to you and, of course, to your sister.
aw, thank you, Foamie. There is some bittersweet in this change, for sure.
I have a feeling the good memories from Florida will not fade. I have some good photos to remind me. And, who knows, I might come back on vacation once in a while.
Hey, who's renting your house in Florida? I could be persuaded to move back. In a heartbeat!
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