Thursday, February 16, 2012

It's a hard thing to do...

Focus. Focus. Focus.

Fail.

I know it's bad when I have trouble concentrating
on a book I'm reading. Cover the same paragraph,
sometimes the same sentence, three times and still
have no idea what I read.

I have no answers. I'm wearing out the questions.
Everything feels wrong.

Purpose. It seems there is none.

The slippery slope has no sharp edge to grab.
I am a non-person. Less than a statistic.
Invisible as a ghost that cannot even cast a shadow.

13 comments:

Boxer said...

:-(

Jean said...

it's bad.

Froth said...

Sometimes just gut it through. And then a bit of joy justs hits you and it's on to the next upward slope! It happens and I hope you're feeling better.

Jean said...

Thanks, Kim.

Fred said...

This may sound "self-important" (someone actually called me that recently -- ME?! ...Self important ;), but I can sorta relate.

I've found that since I haven't been working I HAVE to have some kinda schedule, else I wander around aimlessly and get nothing done.

I've also been thinking about looking into volunteer opportunities in the area. I figure, if I'm able, why not help out somewhere?

Jean said...

That's a thought, Fred. My depression can be overwhelming to the point of almost not existing.
You, self-important? Geez. Your main focus is always others.

Boxer said...

It's CRITICAL to make a schedule for yourself. I think volunteering is a really good idea, plus, who knows it could lead to a job? I don't know who I would be if I wasn't defined by my job, so you have my sympathy. I didn't work for a year once and I gained weight and became VERY depressed. It's why I won't ever work from home. I must have a reason to get out of bed, take a shower, put on lipstick.

The good thing is, you know what's going on and now you need to dig deep and summon your energy to push through it.

I'd also recommened taking a ton of Vitamin D3. It doesn't matter you live in a sunny place. xoxoxox

boneman said...

put the books down and wait.

Anonymous said...

Do you believe in prayer, Jean? I do. And my prayer for you is the same I recite daily for my dearest friend --

May God breathe purpose into your day, and make you aware of your importance.

bonnie

Jean said...

Vitamins! Yes, Boxer. Thank you!

Wait, Berry? To get older?
Time Flies, ya know.

Do I pray, Bonnie? No, but I talk/think to myself. I think that's mostly what praying is. Consciously thinking about what's going on and sometimes that helps clarify.

Teresa said...

Ah after reading the comments may I make a few suggestions... these and $2 will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks (FWIW) heh.

First I agree on the schedule thing. It's darn near impossible for most of us to get anything accomplished without it. No schedule means "oh I can do it later" then later never quite gets there. I know because that's me - I do it all the time.

Second the vitamins... it's amazing that being low on certain nutrients can make such a difference in our outlook.

Third volunteering at various places... excellent idea. It may take a while to find the place that "fits" you, but when you do you'll know it.

Last, if at all possible, some sort of exercise every day. When one least feels like moving is exactly the time to go take a walk or lift light weights or get in a pool and swim... it all depends on your ability to move and where you are as to what you would do but movement of some kind working your way up to at least 30 minutes a day will help you balance things.

Good luck! And certainly feel free to throw out all advice if you figure out something else that helps. ;-)

Jean said...

Teresa, it all makes sense. Thank you. One other thing that would help most is a job.

Teresa said...

Perhaps you could volunteer at a place where you might be able to work it into a job (so to speak). Like at a hospital - there are many varying real jobs there and if you volunteer you could meet people... that kind of thing.