Realization...

Carol is in the hospital again.
White cell count is almost zero.
They're saying the new chemo is  probably the cause,
so they'll adjust the dosage for the next time.
In the meantime, they've given her two broad-
spectrum antibiotics to get a handle on the infection
until the infectious disease guy gets a read on the
blood cultures and decides if she needs a more
specific antibiotic. 

I am a slow learner.

I wanted to have complete faith in the medical people.
Took me almost four years to realize that so much of
what they do is a crap shoot, a flip of the coin, even a
damned guessing game.

What they have to figure out now is how much to cut back
on one of the chemo drugs so that it doesn't knock out
her immune system again, yet still be strong enough to stop the
spread of the cancer. And, they'll be adding Neulasta(?) to
her regimen which is supposed to boost the immune system.
They keep saying if this cocktail doesn't work, there are
plenty more available to try. Try. We'll see. Try again.

She's been really tough through all this, so far.
I can see the worry in her face now.
Too many speed bumps lately. Too close together.

Humbly requesting more of your generous good thoughts,
good prayers, whatever you can spare.
 

Plan B...

or are we up to C or D?

First dose of her new chemo cocktail was last Thursday.
So far, no more side effects than the last.
We'll have to wait, I guess, to see if this one stops the spread
of the cancer. And for how long.

She's still gathering energy. Being mostly inactive for the past
four months, it isn't surprising that she is nowhere near her
old level of energy. I'm glad she's finally 99% out of pain. 
She's still on oxygen, though. That bothers me a bit.

I apologize for not writing much lately.
Could be because I'm tired and I bore myself.
Always thought it very rude to bore my friends.

I need to work harder at finding the spark that used to
inspire ideas and even bring a chuckle now and then.
Would be nice to laugh more. 
Gonna stop before the whining causes nausea.
 
 

Where's the beach?...

Brother Tom and his family went to Orlando for Christmas
and New Year's and all I got were these drool-worthy photos.
They say they had a terrific time.
I am such a weirdo... the huge crowds would have been more
than I could stand. I long for peace and quiet and isolation.  
And not one trip to the beach? Really? tsk tsk.

Make your own snow(flakes)...

Personally, I'm not upset about not having a

white Christmas this year. 

Last winter's excess did me in for a long time.

Enjoy the mild weather and have a

very Merry Christmas, my friends.

Good news/Bad news...

The antibiotics appear to be working.
She finishes the last dose December 27 and a nurse will
come out to remove the PICC line December 28.
She is almost pain free. Energy level is up.
Blood work is acceptable. Oxygen level is better.
That's the good news.

The bad news is, her cancer is active again.
They put chemo on hold because of the spine
inflammation.  Didn't want to jeopardize her
immune system with chemo until the infection was
under control. But now her oncologist is very concerned,
so she scheduled a chemo treatment for next Tuesday
instead of waiting for the last dose of antibiotic. 
Doc doesn't know if the cancer activity is because she
hasn't had chemo in six weeks or if this chemo drug
is losing its effectiveness. She said that if it's not going
to work any more, there are still lots of other treatments 
they can go to. 

The cancer shows as a bad "rash" on her chest.
Carol noticed it "a while ago" but didn't say anything.
Ignoring the obvious is what put her in a dangerous
situation in the first place. Now, again.

I really don't know if my sister truly doesn't understand how
serious... or if she's in full-blown denial because she might
be so terrified of the reality that she can't/won't consider the
consequences. 

It's very much like living with a four year old at times.