Saturday, January 30, 2016


Carol is in the hospital again.
White cell count is almost zero.
They're saying the new chemo is  probably the cause,
so they'll adjust the dosage for the next time.
In the meantime, they've given her two broad-
spectrum antibiotics to get a handle on the infection
until the infectious disease guy gets a read on the
blood cultures and decides if she needs a more
specific antibiotic. 

I am a slow learner.

I wanted to have complete faith in the medical people.
Took me almost four years to realize that so much of
what they do is a crap shoot, a flip of the coin, even a
damned guessing game.

What they have to figure out now is how much to cut back
on one of the chemo drugs so that it doesn't knock out
her immune system again, yet still be strong enough to stop the
spread of the cancer. And, they'll be adding Neulasta(?) to
her regimen which is supposed to boost the immune system.
They keep saying if this cocktail doesn't work, there are
plenty more available to try. Try. We'll see. Try again.

She's been really tough through all this, so far.
I can see the worry in her face now.
Too many speed bumps lately. Too close together.

Humbly requesting more of your generous good thoughts,
good prayers, whatever you can spare.


Doom said...

Oh Jean. I am so sorry.

I really, sometimes, want to hate the docs. But, really... Then again, if they would just admit that they really don't know, that they are just as afraid but don't know what else to do but plug and play, rather than act smug and superior. I've had to fight them on my own, for decades. They know they should have killed me through their arrogant ignorance, but even now won't face their hubris and tone it down a few notches. I'm just glad your sister has someone there. Now, perhaps, with my story and that perspective, you can tone it down a notch. It's not on you, it's not on them (though their smug superiority ought to get stuffed), it's not on your sister. It will come together and work right up until it doesn't or it does.

You got my prayers, kind thoughts, well wishes. Your sister has them too. Give her a hug for me, and for yourself. Hard, this life, sometimes. If it helps, when it hurts, like the last few days for me, I hand that in for those in need. I think God takes it as credit for others. It helps, a bit.

Joe said...


Jean said...

Thank you both.

Anonymous said...

Your sister, and you as well, are in my prayers. I might be silly, but I also pray for wisdom in the physicians' behalf. The prayers aren't 'spare', they are intentional. May God keep close watch over Carol. Breathe, Jean.


Jean said...

Bonnie, I think prayers for the drs is a great idea.
Thank you!