This shall be known as my brain-vacant phase.
Not even enough gumption to let you know that I
have had nothing to offer. I am a shit.
Every time, lately, I've tried to create, compose, or
flesh out what is already in process, my brain rewards
me with the feeling you get when you hear fingernails
scraping across a blackboard.
Do they even make blackboards anymore??
Does anyone use blackboards anymore??
How many of my faithful readers have no idea of what I speak?
Terrific. I just made myself feel old(er).
I am facing the necessity of some serious life changes.
I am trying to take on the positive attitude that these changes
could be/should be the beginning of a good/better time in my life.
The process required to make this happen scares me.
Risk *shudder* Gamble *shudder*.
How does one go about embracing the unknown at my age?
I hate it. But I want it.
Frozen in fear does me absofuckinglutely no, I repeat, NO good.
I need to make that leap of faith. I know it.
Deep breath...
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My musings.........my thoughts.........my self
21 comments:
I have writing days like that. . just sit and put my hands to the board and nothing. And it's scary because I think it will be that way the next day. And the next.
But it comes back, on quiet cat feet, twirling around me, making me smile, small whiskers of thought, feeling out what's in my head.
Then gone again.
Jean, darlin, just step up, and step off. It's really that easy.
At your age?? You're hardly a senior citizen needing to ask some young punk for help in crossing the street. I think you're much stronger and wiser (and younger, or, at least youthful) than you give yourself credit for.
Only you know what's best for you, but having been through my own uncertain times, as I'm sure bane has, I think his advice is sound, and from a good place.
And, possibly the most important thing to remember, is that you are not alone and have friends who care.
What Erica said. You are not alone, and you have friends who care.
Jean...
You are VERY not alone....
Facing exactly that myself right now.
Just... do what you think is right for you. Sure, it's scary, but less scary than doing nothing. Sucks to say it that way, but there it is.
I found out today... there really is no need to shoulder the whole load when you have friends. It's not 'asking for help' when you share your troubles with those who care. It's just what it says.. sharing. In fact, they might be waiting for you to talk to them... till the time is right for you to decide to do that.
Talk with your friends.... you know who they are. Share your troubles.... look for perspectives you may have missed....
It helps, a lot.
You wonderful people make my heart burst...
Jean,
You can do it, leap!!
(they have a thing called smart boards now-as if a board can be considered smart. I personally prefer the blackboard nails and all to the white characterless smart board)
-Corby in hiatus
What they said.
:o)>
Corby - 'characterless smart board'. Yeah, let's go with slate :)
Mark - thanks, dear.
All I can offer is to take it a day at a time.
Jean you certainly don't 'suck', you are so talented, we all have times when the creative process doesn't flow easily, but it will return.Age is not a number we are as old as we feel; so young lady take that leap of faith, embrace the unknown, you might find wonderful new horizons and there are plenty of friends here to catch you if you falter.
Dianne
Or should I say as young as you feel!
Dianne
Heh. You have my phone number...
I'm an expert in leaping!
:o)
.
you're invited to a party. damn, you dont want to dress up and drive over, then theres the small talk. youre tired, maybe not in the mood.
but you go. once youre there, you have a great time. you meet the offbeat person that just happens to say the very thing you needed to hear. and that tiny catalyst sets you on the rightful path again......
change is great. shake ups are great too. even if you cant see it at the beginning. im excited for you!
"the whole point is to just relax and enjoy yourself"
-otter from animal house
on another front: i miss north florida today!! oh to be beneath an oaky hammock with buzzards riding the thermals above.
My inspiration and my strength... all of you.
Wow. This explains the tipping. You can and will do the jumpster, I have a feeling. How exciting. Think of all the weird experiences that flow our way everyday-sometimes they make us change direction inadvertently-something thoughtout is an extra bonus.
Whoo hoo!
With all this support and enthusiasm, Kim, it's sounding better all the time!
Jean sweetie, be strong. We only go around this ferris wheel once, you might as well go around with your eyes open and your hands raised in the air screaming! *lol*
I hear Tennessee is BEAUTIFUL...mountains, trees, the works. No more flat landscape for you!
Irrel - there's just something about this that feels...right, finally. Screaming?...no problem!
If your brain screams the fingernails-on-blackboard thing every time you try to compose, then perhaps your smart brain is just saying, --Stop this for a bit. I need to attend to something else.--
Your life has been moving toward this over the past couple years. It's not just the recent layoffs. It's the agonizing posts about the late husband. It's the dumpsters. It's losing Alan.
It's the complete silence about the stained glass.
The fact that you want it at the same time you're scared? Makes perfect sense to me. You can feel its rightness. Change. But change is scary. Of course.
Throwing your hands up and screaming on that Ferris wheel, now, THAT's what I call the way to go. But if you're stuck in the paralyzed with fear stage, that won't cut it.
So are there any of the many methods of dealing with the too-big fears that appeal to you? Meditating, yoga, deep breaths, Xanax, walks on the beach...
Would you please do me a favor and click these links? I think you might find some interesting things for you, there. Really fun and beautiful stuff - and more, too. Food for the spirit, perhaps.
http://brooklyndays.blogspot.com/2006/07/lights-in-floor.html
http://brooklyndays.blogspot.com/2006/06/obsession-phenomenon.html
http://brooklyndays.blogspot.com/2006/06/failure-and-success.html
Paralyzing sometimes, k.
I think you're right about not forcing the writing and focusing on what's in my face right now.
Bless you for your understanding... and, I will look at those links. Thanks!
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