I'm bored.
I need jokes.
Short, very funny jokes.
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March 2007 - November 6, 2012
My musings.........my thoughts.........my self
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Sparky
March 2007 - November 6, 2012
Blogs of Note
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2007
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December
(18)
- Well, geez...
- Delivery Boy...
- post-holiday blah-post...
- blog-comment-bot-jerk-alert...
- Ho Ho Haiku...
- Merry Christmas, etc. ...
- 3-in-1...
- This time, procrastination is ok...
- I'll be home for Christmas...
- Notes on Haiku...
- rules of engagement...
- Ideal...
- go do Haiku...
- Horoscope...
- Life moves...
- Daydreaming...
- Trial and error...
- Penetration without lubrication...
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December
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25 comments:
OK, this lady had been married 3 times to very rich, very much older men who had all died leaving her very wealthy.
Tiring of having lots of money but no husband and not having to marry FOR money any longer, she called her attorney and announced her intention to remarry and that he should search the world for a suitable man for to marry. BUT, she stipulated, the man must never have had sex with a woman before and could not be gay.
This as you may imagine limited the field considerably, but the attorney spurred by the considerable finders fee involved under took the task.
Finally a suitable candidate was found in the outback of Australia. A date was set and all arrangements were made. The marriage was to take place in Hawaii where they would start their honeymoon in the nearest Hilton Hotel honeymoon suite.
After arriving at their room she announced that she was going to change into something more comfortable.
When she stepped out of the bed room with a come hither look in her eyes she found her new husband frantically tossing every piece of furniture in the room out into the hallway.
WTF she screamed.
"Lady, he said, it's true that I've never made love to a woman before........
....
Wait for it....
.........
........
but, if it's any thing like making love to a kangaroo, we're going to need all the room we can get.
"Short, very funny jokes."
Ron Paul
Hillary Clinton
Barak HUSSEIN Obama
Should I keep going?
Two crocodiles are banging a dead lesbian in the back of a schoolbus...
what ? too soon?
Okay. I'll bite. Here's an oldie (but goodie?) for you.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the armadillo that it Could Be Done.
Not a joke. . but true.
In the cockpit of older airliners is an attitude indicator instrument that tells which way is up and down, right and left. It's gyroscopic in nature. Sometimes, especially when it's really cold it seems, it takes the gyros a while to erect and start working. One day, it was slower than normal. You can't move the plane until the gyro erects or you've got all kinds of problems. I was the copilot, we had a plane load of folks. The flight attendant came up to see what the delay was. The Captain explained to her basically how the instrument worked, and once it was up and running we could taxi.
We hear this announcement from our bright and shiny Attendant in the back. . "Folks. . we're just waiting for the captain to get an erection, then we can start moving.".
BWAHAHAHA!!!
you guys are great!
I got the Jolly Roger a slinky-toy for Xmas. When he asked what the heck that was all about, I told him to take it to work and put it on his desk.
It's to remind him, when he's having a frustrating day, that some people are like slinkys, they're no fun until you push them down the stairs!
The funniest one line joke that is also its own punchline (and I hope this does not go over the line of your comment policy ... if so, just delete the sucker ... heh):
17-year old boy to 16-year old girl: "I don't care what it's called, suck, don't blow!"
Joan - a Slinky! I LOVE Slinky-ies!
Winston - my neighbors are looking out their windows to see why their crazy-widder-neighbor is laughing her ASS OFF!
ohshit... "delete the sucker". I just caught that! duh.
Jean, have another cuppa coffee... And if it's too hot to drink, it's OK to blow it... Heh...
Winston, how did you know I was going for my 2nd cuppa?? heh.
Why does Michigan play on artificial turf?
Keeps the cheerleaders from grazing.
What has 22 legs and 50 teeth?
Univerity of Michigan's starting defense.
What has 4000 legs and 6700 teeth?
The University of Michigan Faculty.
What's the difference tween The Titantic and a Michigan Cheerleader?
Only about 900 people went down on the Titanic.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fish
PS Hello Jean: a lot of people say the man in the dream is me ... I hate to admit it, but I had the dream the night after I saw Brokeback Mountain and though I rarely say so,the man on the beach is Ennis del Mar. Though no doubt he could represent something/someone else, too.
Thanks for visiting the blog and nice to meet you!
Dear Jean,
These have been my faves for years
What do ya call a dead guy hanging on the wall?
Art
Dead guy in the pool?
Bob
Dead guy in a hot tub?
Stu
Dead guy in a hole?
Doug
"Dead guy in a hole?
Doug"
WTF?
A dead guy in a hole is Phil, not Doug...
Dead guy on the stoop?
Matt.
Deadhead with a blog?
Mark.
Yeah, I know, makes no sense...
you guyssssssss......this is good stuff! Thanks : )
Cup of tea.... Welcome!
I heard this on the Groucho Marx documentary from last night [I'm paraphrasing as best I can, from memory]:
Margaret Dumont: Do you hunt bear?
Groucho: Oh, no. I always wear at least a bikini.
Cracked me up. He was something else, Groucho.
hehe...thanks, Erica. Groucho was goooooood stuff!
Hunter gores after bear, bear catches hunter. Bear says to hunter - I'll let you go if you give me a blowjob.
Hunter gives bear a blowjob, bear lets him go.
The next year, same thing happens.
And the year after that.
And the year after that.
Fifth year in a row, hunter's up looking for the bear, cuz he's going to kill that sumbitch. He feels a tap on his shoulder, looks around and sees the bear. The bear asks,
"Hey, man, do you ever come up here to hunt?
grrrerhahaherherhahahahaha! many good ones....i liked cucumbers surrealistic joke...more dada to me but thats no matter.
Q: what do you call a "smart blonde"?
A. a golden retriever
Q: did you hear about the man with 5 dicks?
A: his pants fit like a glove
grrrherhahahahhahaha
they ARE short.
kudos to mark. yes indeed.
she - short AND good! Thanks :)
I think you've already heard all of mine. Sorry, nothing to add. :)
Happy friggin' New Year though!
Thanks, Dave...and back atcha!
What's purple and runs through the house?
Plum-ing
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