Sunday, April 15, 2007

Do you want to know where my head is?

It has taken another journey up my ass.
...and, it's dark in there. Can't see a damn thing.

For those who might be missing me... Sorry.
I'm trying. Really.

Brain constipation.

Oh, wait... here's something I wrote last May 6:

If I knew what to say, could they hear me?
Those people in my life who are gone.
Have they been watching, listening,
while my life goes on without them?
Do they drift in and out?
Are they proud, sometimes shocked or sad?
Do they know I think about them and
wish that I had said...
had done...
more while they were here?
Do they know that I remember their love,
encouragement and belief in me?
That I try to use those memories
as a source of strength today. needs work.


boneman said...

Fair amount of m'life was spent comin' up with a better answer than the ones I came up with off the top of m'head. I really am quite boring, or, if in a crowd of folks, absolutely quiet.
So I would think of all the things I could say to specific things, but amazingly, nobody would ask the right things. They would always ask something I wasn't ready for....
So, I would go home and try to figure out how to answer up to the new stuff, and coming up with things slowly, I would venture back out with my new ammunition and guess what? Yup. New questions, all.

One day I realized I was walking around cocked (as it were) with a few hundred things to answer up with.....
What a waste of time! None would walk into the mental minefields I had prepared, and as well they didn't. Having the words in ya like that make fer a really cold sounding remark.

(am I going somewhere with this?)

(oh yeah, I remember)

One day I just put on a different attitude and damn the memory and screw it if I didn't sound "right" fer folks. Whatever I said would be said then....

So it is for folks gone.
Well, at least fer me.
Oh, I get the visits from m'folks on occasion, and it's kind'a nice and kind'a scary at the same time, but, y'know what? If they see me, hear me, fine. If they don't, fine.
You see, I've discovered that now is for us, it's for living and for THE living.

If the dead have a place, they are in it and they live THERE.
We live here.

Believe in YOURSELF, gal! Be the person you know is right.
But, as for regrets, leave them behind. None are important. Regret is a cancerous disease that takes way more time and enegy than it's worth.
Say what you need to say.
Do what you need to do.

Love your memories and draw strength from them as you will, but leave the dead alone. They have their own existence to deal with, now, whatever it may be.

Meanwhile, the suggestion of an "intermission" worked out well enough for the recipe....

kdzu said...

Wow! To both your question and Boneman's answer. 'Nuff said.

Nea said...

No, it doesn't need work, it is fine just the way it is written. From the heart. I guess we all think these same things about the people who we loved that are not here anymore. And even the ones who have passed out of our life, although not dead. I think of them all, often, and as we grow older, either the memories become more dear, or more important, but I personally think of them more often.

I think spring has put writers block in front of many of us......I know myself, feel very little enthusiam of late......for blogging, and have read the same on many blogs.

Jean said...

Berry - you and I have talked a lot since we found each other in the blog world. You are NOT boring.
I've learned much from your kind and wise words and heart.

...and, yes, the "intermission" in the recipe was perfectly done... perfectly!

Larry - I think you and he would like each other a lot.

Nea - thank you, dear lady.
After the recent loss of your sweet friend, I can understand your lack of enthusiasm.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I like my head up my ass. It's a great place to be.

Jean said...

EotR - aw, girl... you know it isn't good for long, though.
I'll be by your place soon.

Valerie - Riding Solo said...

They are alive, you are alive. It's enough.

I don't understand how the TV works, either, but it shows me things from far away.

Mark said...

Butt... butt...

Pah-Leese send / post Jean w/gun shots!

Smiles at you :-)

Scott from Oregon said...

There is a lull in cyberworld. Spring is coming. Time for less talk, more action...

Jean said...

Val - good point.

Mark - a photo? Crikey... I'll see what I can do.

Scott - You, however, seem as prolific as ever.

k said...


This is how my odd side of the fence works out:

This time of year, and most especially this year, is when I must alter the pattern of my daily life.

I was wondering what was going on with everyone.

I'm the opposite. The huge explosion of pollen keeps me indoors when I'd rather be out. And often, sleeping through the day instead of at night.


less gardening time, more blogging time.


If y'all feel restless and a bit blocky, want to read instead of write, come on down! At least I'm more likely to have something new for you than I often do.

One word of caution: Any flower pix may be a bit out of date, but hey. What's the difference? Pretty flowers are still pretty flowers.

Those with us today, and those now gone, leaving only their picture behind.

Jean said...

k - pictures and memories... something to treasure.