Sunday, March 27, 2011

nuttin' fer nuttin'...

A friend of mine in New York (originally from
New Jersey) uses that phrase often, usually
preceding some bit of kindly advice or opinion.
I chuckle to myself every time I hear it.
To myself, so not to offend, as he always means well.

I've always loved regional idioms and accents. I think
they are a unique part of individuals and add to the
picture of the person. It makes me angry when other
people make fun of these characteristics.

Actually, it makes me cringe when someone makes
fun of others for almost any reason, like name,
appearance, accent, job...whatever. I believe it shows
a sad intolerance of others, often based on a serious
insecurity in the person making fun.

My very first memory is of my dad laughing at me in
front of company. I was only around two or three and
I don't remember what I did or said but, I remember
being embarrassed and humiliated. He tried to reconcile
by grabbing me in a hug (while still laughing) but I twisted
away and hid somewhere. Damage had been done.
Was I too sensitive as a child? I don't think so.
Children are always looking for approval.

Have I remained too sensitive as an adult? No doubt.
My dad labelled me as 'naive' when I was a teenager
because he said I trusted too much. Took people at face
value and risked being fooled, taken advantage of.
I've proved him correct on that count many times.
Enough times that I've become cynical of others and
often jump to conclusions about their ulterior motives
in their interactions with others.

We are born trusting because we are born helpless.
We depend on others to hold us up, secure and safe,
until we acquire the knowledge and strength needed
to become independent and self-reliant.

Sometimes, the ones in charge of our lives resent losing
control of our lives as we develop. They don't want to
accept that their 'right' is not the only 'right'.
By their controlling and over-protecting they are actually
setting us up for more mistakes because we continually
doubt ourselves. We become afraid to trust ourselves and
often spend much of our lives looking for others to approve
what we do and who we are. And, therefore, we become easily misled.

I spend a lot of time reading. Mostly biographies and
autobiographies. I mentioned this to Berry a while back and
admitted that I wasn't quite sure why I am so drawn to the
stories of other people's lives. Without hesitation, he said,
"Because you are not yet sure who you are."

I observed my 60th birthday earlier this month and I wonder
if I will ever complete my search for my self.
I also wonder if I'll like it if I find it.

9 comments:

Doom said...

Pshah! In a good way. I join you in the naive bandwagon. And, to a degree, quite willingly when I can. I would rather trust and be wrong than be a rock. I suppose we have both learned a few things along the way. Me, I won't be around blacks or others who act like them. You? Who knows.

Still, I have and probably will be suckered more times than I should. And, so long as it doesn't kill me or if it does that it is quick, I am not sure that I care.

randompawses said...

"Sometimes, the ones in charge of our lives resent losing
control of our lives as we develop. They don't want to
accept that their 'right' is not the only 'right'.
By their controlling and over-protecting they are actually
setting us up for more mistakes because we continually
doubt ourselves. We become afraid to trust ourselves and
often spend much of our lives looking for others to approve
what we do and who we are. "


You just described my parents - and me.....

Jean said...

Doom, trust comes hard to me now. But, I think most of that is because I do not trust myself often.

RP, the only reason I came to FL was to get away from control. Unfortunately, that didn't work so well.

boneman said...

well, babe, fact is you shouldn't take me too awful serious.
I like you and that's what I know for sure.
Nothing else matters.
d=^))

Michael Morse said...

I like you already. Hope you do too when you find out who you are. Problem is, the searching never stops until we're "straitened out." (That's a Rhode Island term for being dead and lying in a casket)Lets hope you don't finish you're search for a long, long time!

foam said...

well, one things fer sure .. i know didley squat and doodley squat .. :)

i'm not sure we ever truly know who we are 100%.. that's because we change. we are not stagnant ...
let's just call it growth.

kdzu said...

Perhaps we'll never know ourselves truly in this life. It is after all a long journey back to where we started with all these additional memories, experiences and opportunities to learn who we were and who we want to be next.
Line upon line, precept upon precept we add to what we'll become when we reach........
White Shores.

Susie Hemingway said...

Firstly "A Belated Happy Birthday" from me -sorry I missed the date, here's hoping you had a happy day.

I could not agree with you more about loving the individualism of some people - how much more entertaining than the 'run-of-the-mill' as we say here. As you know I live in a small village in middle England with only 250 people so we all know each other well, still we have a real 'assortment' here. With one or two really exquisitely extraordinary folk.If you ever get to watch the TV series "Midsomer Murders" it's much like that!
I so agree we should never ever make fun of people's uniqueness, for they have probably been allow to blossom as they will, and were probably allow to 'march to their own tune' as children' How good and right is that.

How lovely that we are all so different and what fun it is to learn about each other and you dear Lady are perfect just as you are - so stop searching and enjoy these wise years. Blessings and Peace come from me to you.

Jean said...

Foam, you are too wise to not know didley and doodley. :-)

Berry, you be a sweetie!

Michael, thank you. I'm hoping for lots of time, too. Around here we say 'laid out'.

Larry, I like that possibility.

Susie, it turned out to be a lovely day, thank you, dear.
You are too kind...but, I will join you in celebrating all those uniquenesses!