Thursday, January 26, 2006

Overload........

In my recent state of desperation to resolve the inner conflicts created by myself..... I have once again overwhelmed myself.............. In contradiction to the theme of my last entry in this journal
............I caught myself reaching towards multiple avenues........... hoping to find one solution that will fit me............ one answer, one light, one relief.............. I have complicated simplicity.
I found myself skimming the surface in order to glimpse and grab.......... leaving no time for absorption.... digestion......... much less understanding and resolution...........
Balance and peace are already within me.............. My error is, perhaps, in attempting to force the awareness........... instead of allowing my awareness to accept their rise to the surface.
Instead of clutching.......... which restricts, smothers and rejects.......... release, open and allow the flow to buoy me......... carry me along with it............. Merge with life....... rejoin the whole......
See myself as one grain of sand on the beach......... instead of a solitary mini-universe.
Not just reconnect............... rejoin.

1 comment:

Lee said...

Jean, I came over to check look at your entries after seeing your comments on mine. Congrats, you are my first official viewer other than my wife, by the way. Your depression concerns me. None of my business, of course, but it runs rather deeply in my family(self included). My older sister was a suicide because of it. There is a fine balance between working things out on your own, taking the advice of your physicians, and medicating, or self-medicating. I hope you find it soon. I'm not much of a therapy person, but I am at times medicated, and it seems to help me get over the worst spots. Not all internal issues are mental, and hopefully those that are in your life are wise enough to know the difference. I wish you luck, and will keep an eye on your posts.

Lee