I Know What You Need...

If I hear one more person say to me, or anyone,
"You need a man in your life." I may have to scream.
For a long time.
Then it usually follows with the statement, "We are social creatures. We're not meant to be alone."
Commence my second scream.

Life is full of trade-offs.
Some we choose. Some are bitch-slapped across our face.
I believe we should appreciate and make do with what we have. Be it long, polished fingernails or short, pink dicks.

If I don't have one significant male in my life,
does this mean, according to them, that I'm doing something wrong?
That my life is less than what it should/could be, according to them?
They would say, "Yes". I am saying, "No".

This does not mean I am anti permanent coupling. It would please me greatly to share a happy life. And, I don't expect perfect. I don't live in Wonderland anymore.

However. Having survived rather well this far (with a man and without), I believe, with every ounce of strength in my being, that I have every right and a very definite obligation to my now-treasured self, to be picky. Selective, as it were.
Shut up, any of you who are saying, "Oh yeah. Now she's looking for Ritchie Rich! She wants an easy life."

I've managed that area satisfactorily on my own.
Survived. Maintained. Recovered. Thank you.
If you can't or won't do that for yourself, get away from me.
I don't need to be a rescuer and I don't need to be rescued.
I am already complete. So are you, even if you don't know it.

I have more to lose now than I did thirty years ago.
So do most men.
I know what I want now more than I did thirty years ago.
So do most men.

At this point in my life, it's about attitude, intelligence and sex. Good sex.
And, a man much younger than myself would not be a serious candidate for a slot on the "Possibly Permanent" list. They are in a different stage of life.
Been there. Done that. Not interested in re-living that phase again.

Settled? Comfortable with himself? Content with his life?
He goes to the head of the class.

Slow and easy. Slow and steady. Slow and smart.
This time, let's make it worth both our whiles.


Then again........ a nice fuck-buddy...

Passion...

He took his time, moving slowly, outlining her body with the touch of a long-time lover.
He knew exactly what he wanted to give her.

He let his memory take control. There was no detail of her that escaped his eyes.
Or his hands.

His light, soft strokes followed the familiar, round curve of her wide hips, only half covered
by the white sheet that draped lazily over the edge of the bed.

He gently brushed the ends of her sun-streaked hair, just barely covering the back of her neck,
almost touching her shoulder.

He outlined the rise of her full breast. One light stroke made the nipple erect.
He felt her familiar form take shape under his hand.

He stood up and stepped back.
He gazed intently at the canvas, satisfied and spent.

Suicide is not painless...

The truth is that there are people who want to die.
No amount of love, logic, reason or money will make them happy in life.
Wish them well. Let them die.
Move on with your own life..
Don't let them take you with them.



March 14, 1951 - August 9, 1997

You're dead. Go away.
Bastard.

alone...

dark room
at noon.

full bed
empty.

soft pillow
of pain.

arms reaching
nothing.

cold chill
in summer.

shudder
of warm.

silent scream
dry tears.

gone but
still here.

last memory
first thought.

Before You...

There's something else
I'm meant to do
before I spend
my time with you.

Complete myself
with no regret
for missing what
I don't have yet.

It's up to me,
reassembled,
edges smoothed
and chains untangled.

It isn't selfish
that I'm being.
The purge, the clean
allows my breathing.

So, let me be
for just a while.
Live your life
and let me smile.

The day will come,
not far away,
I'll offer free
my heart away.

Bubba...

Bubba is my cat.
He's fuzzy, round
and fat.

He purrs so loud
I always know
exactly where he's at.