Fear...

 

Wherein my brain spins scenarios galore...

"You and your dog have to go!"
"This is MY house!"
"You can't tell me what to do!"...etc.

Of course, I come back with scathing replies.
(That I will not repeat here.)

Anger saturates the air. In my head, anyway.
How can I even think angry thoughts about my sister?
Anger oftentimes comes from fear, doesn't it?

And, I am afraid.

Afraid that I won't do enough.
Afraid that I'll make terrible mistakes.
Afraid that I won't do what I'm supposed to do.
Afraid that fear becomes anger and I cause pain.

She is a simple girl. Life has been rough and
some of those rough times were her fault, even though
she won't admit that.
She is also sensitive and very proud. She needs my help
and that's why I'm going and she seems glad.

Tonight she said "I signed a power of attorney form and
I put your name and (brother's) name on it. You know,
in case I get sick and can't write checks myself for a while.
Just in case."

I had to hold my breath a long time until I could swallow
the sob in my throat.