tic, tic, tic...

Almost
doesn't count
Close
but not quite
Still
out of reach
Time
doesn't wait
Blink
and it's gone

 

 

Hands...

 

Easter bunny...

 

Gift cards are wonderful things...

As much as I love this bag, I would not have
spent $24.95 on myself. But, my sister Ann
gave me a gift card for christmas. So, I did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you, Oakley. 

Maybe...

Have you noticed
it's all trial
and error
this life.
Take a guess
hope for the best
'cause there are
no guarantees
no promises.
but a lot of
wish I would've.
good luck
with all that.
better luck
next time.

mm mmm...

the appetizer
was quite delish.

I want to be
your dessert. 

 

William Morris...

 

First class or coach...

How long
does it take
to get to heaven?

do you wait
for a bus with
a layover in Purgatory? 

Unashamedly stolen from The Hammock Papers...

Flannery O'Connor,
self portrait 1953
                                      












"Accepting oneself does not
preclude an attempt to
become better."                            

                                                                                                                                                                                                    

So you say...

You're weird.

                      You're not the first person to notice.

Fond memory of Florida...

 

dolphin sculpture
Paul Baliker, 
Ormond Library,
2011

Happy bear...

 

Dead and Dying...

saved a flower from the funeral. 
It's dry and crumbling now.
nothing lasts always.
Forever is a dream.

 

 

I need a punching bag...

I am
mad
and
sad.

 

It isn't right
to fight
that hard
and still
lose. 

Remaining...

after so long
there's no strength
left for the
fight needed
to go on and
stay a while
longer.
Quiet as an empty
chapel.
Turn out the light
when you leave.

if what?...

there's no way
to know
what might have been
what could have been
if

Birthday #75...

'tis true.
no boo-hoos, please. 
I have a lot of good words
left in me
just waiting to be spewed.

(It's better than staying 74 forever.) 

 

 

 

 

(birthday present
to myself) 

Please do...

read a poem.
write a poem.
speak a poem.

It begins...

Paperwork and red tape. and phone calls, many phone calls.

She didn't have a will.
House in her name only, car...same.

Time to find a lawyer.

 

Funeral was yesterday. She looked beautiful. 

Missing...

gone
from here.
but not
from memory.
may there be
peace
and beauty
where
the soul now
resides.
remember us.

Not good-bye...

 

She's gone...

 Carol died this morning.

 

Go see Joe and buy his new book...

 https://hoosierboy.blogspot.com/

Frustration is neverending...

Talked to my sister on the phone this morning before we
left to visit her at the hospital. I could barely understand
her...obviously short of breath, struggling, wheezing.

When we got to the hospital I questioned the nurse that
was in the room taking Carol's vitals. She hadn't noticed
any issues. She contacted the doctor on duty for the hospital.
He showed up quickly, did a short assessment and ordered
a chest x-ray and blood cultures. The x-rays showed infection.

She is in a hospital fergawdsake. Surrounded by medical
professionals 24/7 fershitsake. NO ONE noticed?? 

If I hadn't pointed it out when would it have been addressed?
They now have her on two antibiotics. Blood work didn't show
full-blown pneumonia but it did show another harder to detect
version. I really, really wanted to slap someone.

What happens to patients who have no advocates? No family
to question what's happening? What should be happening?

My advice...don't fully trust anyone. Don't hesitate to ask questions.
Pay attention to everything...everything. You might be the best
reason your loved one will get better and be able to come home.

 

24 hours...

I am
the author
of
dreams and wishes.
truths and lies.
fairy tales.
nightmare renditions.
original visions.
simplified versions
of
all day
every night.

911 on speed dial...

Had to call the EMTs yesterday for Carol.
She had a chemo treatment Tuesday. Been rough ever since.
She's fallen 2-3 times, close to passing out.
Appetite is almost non-existant. Losing weight.

The hospital is doing rigorous rounds of tests.
No definitive results so far.

I think they need to go with a different chemo treatment
but, what do I know? 

Yes, you do...

listen
to yourself.
you talk
in poetry.

I think they'd have to give this up for Lent...

 

Happy Sunday, World!...

It's snowing
but it's melting, too.
That helps make it
a good day.

Books to read:

 

Star-filled sky...

like a weightless veil
wrapping our shoulders, speckled
with tiny diamonds.

 

don't look back too hard...

it might be better
not to remember
all of what used to be.
that might make now
a bumpier road and
uglier than it needs to be.

 

baby, honey, sweetie, love...

 Happy Valentine's Day...

 

Good books...

 

I love
all her books.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My new favorite.

Sister...

14 years is a long time
to be sick
tired
in pain
homebound for the most part
missing freedom
friends
family
afraid not to continue hoping
for healing
struggling every day
just to live
just to be.
she cries
my heart breaks. 

 

in its place...

I present myself
without any intention
of presenting myself
in any particular
recognizable way.
I want my words
to be in the light
 myself in shadow. 

 

try not to make a mess...

if you are determined,
  bound and determined,
     to disregard
          disrespect
          dismiss
     the life that you own,
            get a room
               far away
                  and write a long note
                     saying "sorry, I love you,
             but I hate myself more."
         
         dammit
         you made a mess.

Empty...

                                               this is empty.
                                               this is where I am
                                               now.
                                               Empty all around.
                                               Empty ahead.
                                               Empty.

Poetus interruptus...

there's a phrase
gone as quickly
as it came.
So instead of brilliance
there is nothing
to say.

Dammit...

I'm finally getting out to shovel the shitload of snow
that isn't going away on its own.

Carol has a chemo appointment tomorrow but our
roads are still a mess. Fingers crossed. 

 

edit: I lucked out. While cleaning off the 12+" of snow
from my car, two guys in a Jeep stopped and said they
would clear the snow from the driveway for $20.
I considered that a wonderful proposition. Therefore, all
I had to do was throw salt where they cleared. Yay! 

 

Salt trucks are running late...

 

3 pm today.
My car in the
driveway.

I'm hating
snow right now. 

Why worry?...

 

Hope I never find out...

 

It is said
this is what
happens when
you throw
water in the
air at -40
degrees.

Fear...

 

Love is rare...

when
love is lost
the world
can
go to hell.
it's better
if you never
had it in the
first place
because
then
you don't
know what you
missed.

I know. Need something new here...

 

To whom it may concern...

I
miss you
very
very much.
xoxo

Peeking duck...