Better than expected, by a lot...

 

I'd say...

If I didn't
know better
I'd say
you love me.
But I do
so I won't.

What's your reason?...

 

Public Service Announcement...

Do you have a will?
If not, make one! Save your family/heirs additional grief
after you kick the bucket.
Also, pre-pay for funeral/cremation/burial arrangements. 

Carol refused to have a will done. It was her way of believing
she would survive the cancers that ravaged her body
for fourteen years. I wish it worked that way.

Consequently, Ann and I are dealing with crazy estate issues.
Right now they are saying we need to buy...pay for... the house.
There is no mortgage or outstanding loan. Never has been.
So, who would we be paying? 
Who would we be buying the house from?? 

I hate this. 

We're meeting with the lawyer next week.
Dammittohellandback.

 

 

Anonymous...

 

* I
* didn't
* write
* this
* but
* oh
* how
* I
* wish
* I
* had.
* Gonna
* find
* that
* room.

The only thing...

visible
in today's
clear, clear sky
is the ghost of
the crescent moon
and one hawk
soaring without effort
on the invisible breeze.

Pathways...

Understand, I'll slip quietly
away from the noisy crowd
when I see the pale
stars rising, blooming, over the oaks.

I'll pursue solitary pathways
through the pale twilit meadows,
with only this one dream:

You come too...

Rainer Maria Rilke

The only thing I like about Halloween...

 is the candy. And some of the artwork.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Teeter-Totter...

I am
the least
and the most.
the best
and the worst.
the beauty
and the ugly.
the quiet
and the loud.

the lost
and the found.
the here
and the away.
the today
and the yesterday.
all at once
inside and out.  

You don't have to be...

 

gotta work
with watcha got.
watcha got
can getcha
watcha want.
maybe.

I don't know how to title this...

 

Waiting for what?...

Have you
written them yet?
The words
you want to say.
The words that stumble
unhearable.   
Overexamining
just drains the meaning
Overworking
what came easy at first
When you weren't
thinking on purpose.
Sit back look away
start over
Think what you feel.
Feel what you think.
Let your pen
talk to your paper.

 

 

Passing out smiles...

 

♥

Of course...

 

Come meet our brother...

 

Loving and Loved...

Remember
that happy face
wearing the
biggest smile
ever.
Remember
the love
back and forth
for us
and everyone
                                            always.
                                            Remember
                                            while missing,
                                            every day.
                                            Remember.

Good old days...

Was it really? Has it ever been?
Will it ever be again?

It seems it never ends...

I told ya'll about my sister, Ann, getting knee replacement
surgery in August.
Well, I had to call 911 for her Monday morning. She passed out.
She woke quickly but was shaking, sweaty, dizzy and breathing hard.

EMTs took her to the ER. When I got there they had already
done a bunch of tests and said she had large blood clots in
both lungs. They assumed the clots were from the knee surgery.

Anyway, they did a procedure that ran a tube(?) into her groin
into an artery, up to the lungs and sucked out the clots.
Not painful but admittedly scary. Had to lay flat for 6 hours
before she could eat or drink. In the meantime they did an
ultrasound on her legs to check for clots there. Guess what?
More clots in her calf muscles but in the veins. Supposedly will
give her more blood thinners and hope that will fix 'em.

Poor woman. She's been working hard to do everything she's
been told to recover from the knee surgery. Now she's wondering
what she did wrong to have this happen.

I told her this was not her fault. She is only partly convinced.

We are both worn down after everything that's happened in the
last twelve months. I have no answers...dammit.  

I hab a code (sniff)...

 Retreating to the comfort of my bed for a day or two.

Be well, friends. 

Ernest Hemingway...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(from personal
letters and
correspondence.)   

Tickled...

The leaves
at the tops
of the trees
are waving.
The breeze
tickles them.
I wouldn't have
noticed this
if I hadn't been
sitting outside
in the breeze
that tickled the leaves.
Lucky me. 

 

 

God has a sense of humor...

 

Talking to my self...

as I was
putting
the words on paper
they didn't feel like
my words.
Something or someone
was dictating in my head
what they
wanted said.
I complied without questioning
at the time.
The voice said,
"stop being sorry
for every breath
you take.
be who you are.
no shame.
no regret.
shine from inside
and believe
you are good.
live right for you."

After much
consideration and
contemplation,
I believe I will. 

It's true, ya know...

 

Saying good-bye...

Brother's funeral visitation is this afternoon.

I have an idea about what to post next.
If I can do it so it makes sense without being overly morbid.

 

Not now...

     


        Sometimes
        I just don't
        want to know.       

                                              

Long time ago...

do you
think about me
once in a while?
do you
remember what
we did
once in a while?
Our yesterday
is
a long time ago
but just as sweet
today.

 

Planning another funeral...

 Our youngest brother passed away this morning.

Cardiac arrest. He would've been 62 this November.

Our family keeps getting smaller. 

Am I boring you?...

 

I welcome
suggestions.

Live long and stumble...

 life now
is nothing
like it was then.
and neither
am I.

Be a dandelion...

 

Them vs Us...

We get stuck
more than
one way
being women
while you others
go and do
with rarely
a backward glance.
hardly remembering
us at all.
We remember you
and sigh.

         * 

...and then
we say goodnight
and go
our separate ways
again. 

         * 

never has been
never will be
stopped expecting
stopped looking
long ago. 

 

 

I just ain't feelin' it, friends...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still here, still breathin'.
sometimes
that's all you get.
Want more?
check back
tomorrow. 

Unsure...

someday maybe there
might be a time when it all
will make sense again.

did it ever?
                                                                                                          

You're doing fine without me...

this is me,
not us,
being
the person
I want to be
should be
need to be. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snot...

 

Don't do that...

You're hurting
yourself
when you blame
yourself
for someone else's
mistakes.

 

 

 

Remember and mourn...

 

Today's lesson...

 

I killed a squirrel...

 I didn't mean to.  

Ann and I were coming back
from Barnes&Noble this afternoon.
Busy city traffic.
I saw him in the middle of my lane.
I slowed down. He stopped and looked
up at me, I swear we made eye contact.
He started to continue across the lane
but he was moving very slowly and
awkwardly. Like something was wrong
with him. I moved my car a bit to the
right to give him plenty of room but

 he turned around and headed back
 toward the curb, slowly, and planted 
 himself directly in front of my tire.
 bump......bump. "Oh shit no!"

I've never killed anything in my life. Until today.
Maybe I should say a prayer.
Do squirrels have souls?

                                            

Peace in a valley...

 

              Somewhere
               if not now
               tomorrow.

   

Last one standing...

We can walk away from anyone
but ourselves.

How will you live with you?

 

(originally posted 2-28-07) 

 

To absent friends...

I hope that
when my time comes
I fight
the whole way
to hell
and back.

 

Who are you?...

Option 1...

I keep forgetting
that it wasn't you
but someone else
who made me cry.

Option 2...

I keep forgetting
that it wasn't you
but someone else
who made me laugh.

Option 3...

I keep forgetting
that it doesn't matter
whoever it was
isn't here anymore
anyway. 

Snoopy knows...

 

We will always love you...

 

RIP Dolly Parton

Somewhere over the rainbow...

 

Ann is coming home.
Gonna be a good day.

Well, shit...

My sister got notified Saturday by her insurance company
that she has to leave the rehab facility on Monday or start
paying out of pocket.
We have two days to get organized to bring her home.

this is not a poem...

huh.
maybe this is
a poem
after all.

Say it...

there is something you
want to say but the words are
stuck in the shadows.

  

come home.

"you are full of yourself..."

 ...who else would I be full of?

 

voice in my head...

sometimes
when I think
I should
be sleeping
and it's dark and quiet
that's when thoughts
come to visit.
They repeat themselves.
repeat and repeat
until I get up
and write what
they have to say.
it can take a while,
like tonight, but
they won't stop
until they're
damn well ready
and if I'm patient
and a bit lucky
I end up with a 
nice little piece
of something-
like this.

History Matters...a book worth reading...

In my mind, David McCullough is a supreme word master.
He is one of very few authors who can entice me to read history.

Haiku...

I am worthless here.
Could there be a place where I'd
be better than now?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it feels like settling...