The end...

How many marbles
are we supposed to have?
A handful?
A headful?
A mouthful?
I can't find mine.
Anywhere.
Not in the closet.
Not under the bed.
Not out on the sidewalk
where I played with them last.
Did they roll away
or did you hide them?
It's your fault
I lost them.
It's your fault
I'm sad.
You don't have to admit it.
I know what I know.
Playtime is over.
You need to go.

Mischief and a good story (or two)...

 

Oh, woe is me...

 

I've lost mine.

Conundrum...

           we die
           by living.
           if we
           didn't live
           we couldn't
           die.

            to be
 or not to be.  

             that is the question. 

Must be nice to have a green thumb...

 

Not that it would do any good...

 

The muse has disappeared...

I know, that's a shitty excuse but it's all
I've got at the moment.

You could go read Og's new Substack thingie:
VaultkeeperChronicles.

I'm so out of it I can't even get the link thing to work.  
I give up. Tohellwithitall.

What, me worry?...

 Good and not so...

Ann is good. Getting her energy back and her taste buds are
beginning to wake up.

Carol is facing more challenges.
The tumor on her lung is growing. Doubled in size in three 
months.  So...it seems none of the options are particularly good. 
There will be a consult with a surgeon but she is still considered
high risk with anesthesia because of her lung function. After
all the years of different chemo drugs, they have taken a toll.
Radiation is another option except... if it's too intense and/or
hits too much of the lung it could do more damage. Consult
with her radiation oncologist is scheduled.
Third option is more chemo. The last treatment almost killed
her so obviously they will need to find something else.

She's getting physical therapy twice a week to build up
her strength. Whether that makes a difference in her choice
of options remains to be seen. One of few things that can't hurt.
Good news was that all the many scans that were done did not
show any cancer anywhere other than the lung. They do want a
mammogram done, just in case.

Decisions need to be made sooner rather than later. 

 

What are you looking at? 3...

 

        
          I can see every
   leaf on every tree across
        the way. But I can't
           see tomorrow.

What are you looking at? 2...

           

                                                                                                       

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                    God and I
               don't always see   
                    eye to eye.

 

What are you looking at?...

 

         

             there should be
                   a poem
                      here
                         .

It's too hot to move...

 almost too hot to breathe.

C'mon Mother Nature, send us some relief.

 

Ain't nobody gonna care...

 

No matter what...

 

reflection...(a re-post from 12-27-2010)

 All I see is ugly
    in the mirror
         now.

but what I remember
       was so different
          then.

if it's unimportant
    tell me why the mirror
          cries.   

For all those lost, hurting and in need...

 

A pair of fancy birds...

 

How does
something
so beautiful
happen?

It's still July...

 

I wish this
was the only
excuse Cleveland
has for its'
mega-slump.

 

Ho-Hum it's July...

J'ever notice how that happens right after June runs out of days?
Every year, without fail. Wonders never cease I tell ya.

So. Howya been? That good, eh? I'm happy for you. Really.

We've been busy around here lately.
I got my eyeballs done. One last Thursday and the other 
this Monday. I am amazed at how quick and easy it turned
out to be. Even just the day after I was already seeing a
big difference in my vision. And how much more colorful
and brighter everything is. I still need readers for close-up
but I can deal with that easily. Glad it's done.
The only bad part is having to pay almost 5 grand out of pocket.

Ann has around 7 more radiation treatments to finish.
So far the only side effects are being tired after each one and
everything she eats tastes like metal or nothing at all. 

Carol had a CT scan and it showed the spot on her lung is
slightly larger than it was when they hit it with radiation.
Now they'll do an MRI and a PET scan to determine if the
cancer is truly growing or what they saw is inflammation from
the radiation. If it's growing, of course, she'll be looking at
more treatments. After all these years, it's wearing on her.
She won't give up but...it's difficult.

Ah Hell, that's enough about us.
Let me leave you with something pretty to look at and maybe
a hug and a peck on the cheek. Take care of yourselves...

 

 

Self explanatory...

 

I understand...

or do I?
you're not the first
who wants me
to stay hidden
in the shadows
only come when called
but don't call you.
If what you
already have
is so good
why am I here?
What's really missing from
where you are?
Think about it
and let me know
the next time you call.

Yoga frog meditation...

 

Fred, where are you?

It's too hot for fun...

 Hopefully, mid-week will be tolerable. In the 80s instead of the 90s.

Ann has had ten radiation treatments so far. Another 10-15 to go.
She'll probably re-schedule at least two maybe four.
She's my driver to get me to cataract surgery and back home, 
plus the follow-up appointments the day after.
This Thursday is for the right eye then next Monday they'll
do the left eye. I want it done. I want to see better.

I met the surgeon. I like him a lot. We hit it off really well.
He's confident but not cocky. Also is the owner of the clinic.
Thirty or forty years of experience. 

Tomorrow I take Carol for her CT scan. She doesn't drive
anymore. Hopefully, they will not see anything concerning.

Gonna be a busy couple of weeks.
Such is life for old folks, eh?

Jack Kerouac (poem)...

I don't want a job,
a mortgage, or weekend plans.

I want moonlight on my face,
a road with no end,

and a silence that understands me.

(found at urgetocreate.tumbler.com)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

holy shit
what a good
lookin' man. 

Illusion...

 

"The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse"
Charlie Mackesy

 

a re-post from 2009...

 

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

I should be ashamed...

I should be ashamed
having read so little
of so few poets
and nothing at all
of so many more.
they've spent their lives
writing words just for
the likes of me
and I barely know
but a few.
I should be ashamed
to do what I do like
I'm the only one
who has ever done it
when it's mostly been done
already and better and oftener before.
I should be ashamed
and burn my notebooks and
break my pencils and read
what's already been written and
what's being written now.
But I am reading what's being
written now this minute by me
and some others here and
there when I can and
when I want.
I should be ashamed
of thinking about quitting.
someone somewhere might
someday read what
I wrote yesterday or today
and think about writing
what they have to say
in their own way
and another link gets
added to the chain and
another chapter is added
to the story.
I should be ashamed
for doing so little.
But I'm not.


(after reading some Lawrence Ferlinghetti)

Brian Wilson r.i.p.

 

A kind of deja vu...

I think of you
the way you were
then
and when I see
you now
it's you
all over again.

Good Karma...

 

Added to my reading list...

 

Carson McCullers

Loretta Swit r.i.p. ...

 

Shoulda...

In the end
you will say
I wish I had
I wish we had
but it will be
too little
too late.
and too sad.

Concentric illusion...

 

Memorial Day...

 

Probably speaking from experience...

 Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.
That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

-Ernest Hemingway 

Don't wait...

 

Food for thought...

a minute
or a day
of life with you
might be just
what's needed
to nourish
a hungry soul.

 

Eye of the beholder...

you are not old
who still sees
beauty:
in a smile
older than yours
or a tree that casts
no shade or
a home with peeling paint
or a lone flower in a weedy bed,
in a threadbare quilt of patches,
a day whose only music
is a birdsong or
someone humming
in the kitchen.

(original post 5-9-2011)

An excellent book...

 

Mother's Day...

 

Real tears...

When was the last time
you cried real tears that hurt all
of your heart and soul?

Not crocodile tears
for something or someone you
didn't know at all.

But the tears that made
you howl and buckled your knees
when your world went black.

Coincidence?...

 

letter to my Self...

(original posting 7-21-2008)

stay with me
as I need you most
more than any other
in the present ever.
allow what is in me
to be
awake and seeing
all I am and have.

Believe...

you have to
sell yourself
to yourself.

 

can you tell me what
it's like so I'll recognize
it when I find it?

Wyatt Earp...

 

Lawman and Pimp

If you like blue...

 

How we die(d)...

there will be
a time
when we die
that others
will say
it happened so fast
so unexpected,
when in truth
the soul had been
crying
for ever so long
praying for comfort
for healing the wounds
that drained
the life
from the life
that could have
been saved.
But no one
noticed. or heard.
or cared.
How sad.

knock-knock...

 Thought I'd finally get around to spreading some news.

Carol is doing well. Has not had chemo of any kind since
January of 2024. Her last radiation treatment for the spot
on her lung was January of this year. A follow-up CAT scan
was done earlier this month and showed marked reduction
in the size of the spot with NO signs of any other nasty spots
anywhere in her body. Her heart is getting better and her
breathing has improved enough that the need for supplemental
oxygen is almost nil.

Ann's pituitary tumor surgery went well. They did a follow-up
MRI recently and it showed nothing is growing. But they did
see that part of the tumor had invaded the bone. The biopsies
were all benign so they're not worried about that. But they want
to do some kind of laser scalpel radiation to get rid of the growth
anyway. She's going to talk to a local radiation oncologist so she
can avoid making a trip to Cleveland.

As for me, I am pretty damn great, especially for an old broad
of 74.

My one and only diabetes med, Metformin, has been reduced by
25%. When I go for my next annual visit I expect the doctor to
reduce the dose even more.
I've scheduled an evaluation with a cataract surgeon for early
next month. My vision has been kinda fuzzy for quite a while.
Prescription upgrades aren't helping much anymore. I haven't
driven at night for years because of glare. And when it started to
affect my ability to read clearly and without straining, well you
can imagine I've not been happy about that.

I've put this off because other people had much more dire issues
demanding attention. I wanted to be available for all of it. But now
everything around here is much calmer so I can take care of me.
Besides, I've been scared shitless to have anyone poking around
in my eyeballs. I know, I know...dozens of people have said,
"It will change your life!" "You'll be so glad when you get it done!"
"It's fast, easy...no big deal!"
I will remain scared shitless until it's over. Report will follow.

 

Bunny and eggs...

 

can't explain...

could not love you
more if I tried
and there is no trying
to love you
as much as I do.
probably other people
just as kind, good, strong
as you
but I don't love them
just you.

 

Does anyone remember these cards?...

 

clicking the pix
makes them
bigger.

Lady Chattering...

Let's have a
conversation
and you can tell me
what you think -
about the world
the people in it -
about the loves
of your life -
about the flowers
in your garden -
and your favorite recipe -
Are you drinking
tea or coffee
I have an ashtray
in the cupboard -
I want to live
to be a hundred
Or close enough
as long
as I can smile
and remember
how I spent
my time
and celebrate
my being -
oh dear
...your turn.

Don't stay where you don't wanna be...

 

Unknown

Tipsy...

If I tell you
I'm just a little
bit drunk
as I'm writing this
will you think
less of me?
It's been a long time...
for a lot of things.
Including drinking too much.
I miss the other things
more.

I'm in one of those moooods...

 KnowwhatImean?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This requires more pondering.......
...more coffee.
...possibly upgrading to scotch.

 

 

I love zebras...

 

each pattern unique
just like our own fingerprints
individuals.

It's April Fool's Day...

 

 

So what?

Rules...

it might make you sad
it might make you cry
it might make you lonely

the rule is
there are no rules

Misunderstanding...

 

Langston Hughes poem...

 

 

(in memory and in honor of all my friends who went away.)

Three Graces...

 

delicate, fluid
graceful, effortless posing
feminine delight.

Happy Birthday, Joe...

 Go say Happy Birthday to Hoosierboy.
A longtime blogger buddy of mine.
We started this adventure at almost the same time.
Sadly, there aren't many of the old gang still around.
But we are, ain't we, Joe?

 

What do you see?...

 looking
at the mountain
from the top down,
the bottom up
or from across the valley?
point of view changes
the picture
but it
does not change the mountain.

 

 

My sisters love me ♥...

 

It's Spring in Florida...

 My friend, Jan, in Florida, sent me this photo
of a family of Sandhill Cranes that are hanging
out in her back yard. The baby is only a couple days old.