My, my Jean, how you can touch a nerve with me. I don't even look at my face above the nostrils when I shave and no lower that the eyebrows when I comb what's left of my hair. Do I live on the Nile or what?
You know, despite some really awful beginnings, I've become surprisingly comfortable with myself.
I never stop being thankful for that.
Or for the many times, by pure luck, I escaped catching some innocent bystander in the crossfire of my own self destructiveness.
Forgiving myself can still be hard for me. But even that is so much improved...
A lot of it comes from accepting the burden, the full-time care and feeding, of this strangely disintegrating carcass of mine. A lot, from the real love of a truly decent man. From his eventual acceptance of me just as I am.
Actually, I employed a lot of mr. curmudgeon's disassociation to get here. Made an *alter mother* for myself, things like that.
Hmmm. This sounds exactly the opposite of what I truly feel: humbled and fortunate, extraordinarily lucky, to have made it this far.
The one thing I have accomplished in my life is to be perfectly content with who I am, and to love my own company. I don't know how I got to this stage, but it came, and I am glad for it, I do not need anyone to be happy. and that really makes me happy.
That depends upon whether you've successfully answered the question of who you can actually change.
ReplyDeleteYou're left with the one person you have any hope of improving.
Disassociation?
ReplyDeleteI was just asking myself this question today (I kid you not).
ReplyDeleteIn some very rare instances, it's just no fun being me, and I was wondering how I could escape from my bod.
Short of (God forbid) getting run over by a bus, I couldn't think of a single answer to that question.
luckily though, you can at least get away from others who make you feel no so great about being yourself
ReplyDeleteDC - all we really have to work with is... ourselves.
ReplyDeleteDave - now, THAT would be totally lonely!
Erica - escaping is so very tempting (I can so relate!)... but, ultimately futile. Frustrating.
Corby - good point!... and, probably very healthy.
I'm gonna take the fifth on this one.
ReplyDeleteScott - hey, now! What's up?
ReplyDeleteI walk away from myself all the time... but then... I just come right back... seems I can't live without me.....
ReplyDeleteMick - ha... from here, should be a pleasant task...:)
ReplyDeleteMy, my Jean, how you can touch a nerve with me. I don't even look at my face above the nostrils when I shave and no lower that the eyebrows when I comb what's left of my hair. Do I live on the Nile or what?
ReplyDeleteLarry - avoiding your own eyes... sadness?
ReplyDeleteYou know, despite some really awful beginnings, I've become surprisingly comfortable with myself.
ReplyDeleteI never stop being thankful for that.
Or for the many times, by pure luck, I escaped catching some innocent bystander in the crossfire of my own self destructiveness.
Forgiving myself can still be hard for me. But even that is so much improved...
A lot of it comes from accepting the burden, the full-time care and feeding, of this strangely disintegrating carcass of mine. A lot, from the real love of a truly decent man. From his eventual acceptance of me just as I am.
Actually, I employed a lot of mr. curmudgeon's disassociation to get here. Made an *alter mother* for myself, things like that.
Hmmm. This sounds exactly the opposite of what I truly feel: humbled and fortunate, extraordinarily lucky, to have made it this far.
I never stop being thankful for that, either.
k - 'comfortable with myself'... a major obstacle for me, but am getting better, albeit slowly.
ReplyDeleteYou put so much time and thought in your comments here... I thank you for that, wise Lady.
The one thing I have accomplished in my life is to be perfectly content with who I am, and to love my own company. I don't know how I got to this stage, but it came, and I am glad for it, I do not need anyone to be happy. and that really makes me happy.
ReplyDelete